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The only way I can explain how I'm feeling right now is just "spent". My soul is tired. Its like I'm the voice of reason for everyone around me but no1 can be there for me when it comes to talking about my emotions when it comes to what happened almost 9 months ago to the day.
My best friends say I can tell them anything, but I know as much as they try to help, they don't understand. Plus they don't know the whole story and I cant bear to hurt them with what happened. With my parents, its like I have to take care of them because of their feelings towards the situation. I tried talking with my dad and he just changes the subject because, as he said, it helps him to not directly talk about it... As for my mom, she's a whole different story. She doesn't know what to say and, honestly, I think she's still in shock. I don't want to put any more stress on her.
I do have therapy but other than talking and taking steps to healing there, I'm just keeping everything to myself; my feelings, tempestuous emotions (sadness, depression and anger), flashes, etc... On top of that, I am like the designated mother I like to call it lol. Everyone comes to me for support. I don't mind at all, I really don't, I'd just like the same in return sometimes, ya know?.
Its like everything has been happening all at once and the hardships aren't letting up. I never took a break from school after my SA (it happened actually a few days b4 school started back up), I had another scare on top of that in July (it had smthg to do with an inmate of my cousin's; its a whole other story...), had to help and comfort my cousin after he got out of jail, then I help take care of my little cousin, I've been running around nonstop visiting a lot of my friends who know and don't know about what happened to me, I must continue dealing with my condition (endometriosis), and I recently found a lump in my breast (I'm sure its nothing but I got it checked out just in case). All of that has been happening within the last 8-9 months. I still have a court case coming up on top of that! I also am still looking for n other job (and having bad luck).
I'm just so stressed and emotionally tired and had to vent a little. Hugs are appreciated. Thanks again for reading all of this. -.-