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Evolution
I am rebuilding myself from the ground up.
Everything was broken down and in crumbles.
But now I am constructing myself to be stronger-
with a concrete base and metal structure.
---------------------------
When Does the World Stop
It occurred to me.
When water falls from the stars,
there's no need to bring a raincoat.
When the sun is shining upon snow,
there's no need for sweater, nor sunblock.
The world keeps going 'round,
so maybe I'll fall off soon
and hit the ground with an:
"I love you."
---
I wrote this for an x-girlfriend. It's kind of ironic... as it ended badly and I had to cut off contact with her because even after she broke up with me, things just kept getting bad between us... even after I moved away. Ugh.
---------------------------
Daisy Wrists
Ambition crackling,
Daisies popping,
Bees are 'a buzzin',
But I am staring at you.
Your feathers twinge
Beneath the moonlight
Crawling up your skin -
Where the daisies are growing.
SPRINGING
LEAPING
Out from your wrist.
Your directed at to the lotus
Barely blossoming.
---
The comment about the lotus barely blossoming is about my x-girlfriend... as she rarely ever let herself really shine because she covered up the amazing person that was her with anger and self-hate.
---------------------------
Bobcat Rifle
Bears and dogs are no match
For Baby's bobcat rifle.
He hunts by night
Sleeps by day
And revels in the lust
By dusk.
Never-mind their fire.
---
This was written about... well... healing, in a way, and the feeling of anger towards R. It was a strange thought that I was stronger than all that, and I'm not sure where that came from.
---------------------------
Majikal Water-Wake
"It's been a long time coming,"
To the end of the water-wake.
The waves are silent
But the wind is fierce.
Don't you love the morning
And it's flair?
As it takes you by the ankle,
It brings you there.
"You are mine," it says
And he bows a jester's bow.
"I was once a different kind of magician…"
"Now I make the real majik."
---
At some point, when you're drowning from the inside out... you learn to be reborn and find the magic of the world all around you. That's partly what this is about.... rebirth and the magic of life. Also about being swept away by life, forced by it to do what you have to to survive.
---------------------------
Children's Horror Flicks
It sounds like a horror flick
And looks like a hawk.
CRASH!
You know it's all in a child's game.
It's all for luck,
It's all for giggles.
---
This one's hard to explain. It's a mixture of the games we play as children no longer really being games. And also, the games we play in our minds to try and soften the blow.
---------------------------
The Snow Brings a Heart of Ice
You, the snake.
Got them believing
All auspicious lies.
From tip to tower
My screams dissipate,
In hopes to assure
You won't hurt another.
Holes left inside,
Never to be filled.
Empty promises,
Regretless wishes…
They might hold your face
Inside their cheep exterior.
The poisons of love.
Never again to be
Yours
Possession to be used,
Creature to lust.
Greed caused wound
Left by tip of tongue.
Squeeze as you might
Remaining strength.
You don't realize
It is healing.
---
Closer to the end, I felt like I should be a martyr - to stay with him so he wouldn't hurt anyone else. Then I realized I couldn't. I thought, also, that I couldn't love... because for a long time, I was afraid anyone could become who he is - sometimes, I still worry about that. --- But somewhere deep down inside, I am healing. He'll never know it. I'm sure his vision of me is of someone broken. But someday, I'll be stronger, because of what he did, so that I can be stronger than him - so that what he did won't tear me apart. Someday, these memories will just feel like memories, and the poison of him will be purged from my soul - after all, I no longer love him... that changes a lot.
---------------------------
The Wrong Voice
This voice seeps from my mind
Leaving shards in my soul.
Words pierce my ears with disdain.
They are not my own,
they are not my own!
---
When the voice that comes from your mouth does not sound like the one in your head....
---------------------------
Where Obligation Begins
And this is where it all goes downhill?
Then! On into oblivion
where the sky is fire!
Drown with me into...
you and everything.
To nothing -
and everywhere else
we never wanted
to be?
---
This was to my x-girlfriend... the one who told me that she never wanted me to feel obligated to do anything, but also said that if I didn't sleep with her approximately every three days that she would worry that I didn't love her anymore. This is the place where relationships go downhill for me... the place where, because of my love for them, because I care so much and want to make them happy... I start to feel obligated to do things, then I feel suffocated... then the relationship turns into something I never wanted it to be - a struggle, a cage.
---------------------------
There will be more...
Copywrite Soulconstance aka Quin aka Me.
I am rebuilding myself from the ground up.
Everything was broken down and in crumbles.
But now I am constructing myself to be stronger-
with a concrete base and metal structure.
---------------------------
When Does the World Stop
It occurred to me.
When water falls from the stars,
there's no need to bring a raincoat.
When the sun is shining upon snow,
there's no need for sweater, nor sunblock.
The world keeps going 'round,
so maybe I'll fall off soon
and hit the ground with an:
"I love you."
---
I wrote this for an x-girlfriend. It's kind of ironic... as it ended badly and I had to cut off contact with her because even after she broke up with me, things just kept getting bad between us... even after I moved away. Ugh.
---------------------------
Daisy Wrists
Ambition crackling,
Daisies popping,
Bees are 'a buzzin',
But I am staring at you.
Your feathers twinge
Beneath the moonlight
Crawling up your skin -
Where the daisies are growing.
SPRINGING
LEAPING
Out from your wrist.
Your directed at to the lotus
Barely blossoming.
---
The comment about the lotus barely blossoming is about my x-girlfriend... as she rarely ever let herself really shine because she covered up the amazing person that was her with anger and self-hate.
---------------------------
Bobcat Rifle
Bears and dogs are no match
For Baby's bobcat rifle.
He hunts by night
Sleeps by day
And revels in the lust
By dusk.
Never-mind their fire.
---
This was written about... well... healing, in a way, and the feeling of anger towards R. It was a strange thought that I was stronger than all that, and I'm not sure where that came from.
---------------------------
Majikal Water-Wake
"It's been a long time coming,"
To the end of the water-wake.
The waves are silent
But the wind is fierce.
Don't you love the morning
And it's flair?
As it takes you by the ankle,
It brings you there.
"You are mine," it says
And he bows a jester's bow.
"I was once a different kind of magician…"
"Now I make the real majik."
---
At some point, when you're drowning from the inside out... you learn to be reborn and find the magic of the world all around you. That's partly what this is about.... rebirth and the magic of life. Also about being swept away by life, forced by it to do what you have to to survive.
---------------------------
Children's Horror Flicks
It sounds like a horror flick
And looks like a hawk.
CRASH!
You know it's all in a child's game.
It's all for luck,
It's all for giggles.
---
This one's hard to explain. It's a mixture of the games we play as children no longer really being games. And also, the games we play in our minds to try and soften the blow.
---------------------------
The Snow Brings a Heart of Ice
You, the snake.
Got them believing
All auspicious lies.
From tip to tower
My screams dissipate,
In hopes to assure
You won't hurt another.
Holes left inside,
Never to be filled.
Empty promises,
Regretless wishes…
They might hold your face
Inside their cheep exterior.
The poisons of love.
Never again to be
Yours
Possession to be used,
Creature to lust.
Greed caused wound
Left by tip of tongue.
Squeeze as you might
Remaining strength.
You don't realize
It is healing.
---
Closer to the end, I felt like I should be a martyr - to stay with him so he wouldn't hurt anyone else. Then I realized I couldn't. I thought, also, that I couldn't love... because for a long time, I was afraid anyone could become who he is - sometimes, I still worry about that. --- But somewhere deep down inside, I am healing. He'll never know it. I'm sure his vision of me is of someone broken. But someday, I'll be stronger, because of what he did, so that I can be stronger than him - so that what he did won't tear me apart. Someday, these memories will just feel like memories, and the poison of him will be purged from my soul - after all, I no longer love him... that changes a lot.
---------------------------
The Wrong Voice
This voice seeps from my mind
Leaving shards in my soul.
Words pierce my ears with disdain.
They are not my own,
they are not my own!
---
When the voice that comes from your mouth does not sound like the one in your head....
---------------------------
Where Obligation Begins
And this is where it all goes downhill?
Then! On into oblivion
where the sky is fire!
Drown with me into...
you and everything.
To nothing -
and everywhere else
we never wanted
to be?
---
This was to my x-girlfriend... the one who told me that she never wanted me to feel obligated to do anything, but also said that if I didn't sleep with her approximately every three days that she would worry that I didn't love her anymore. This is the place where relationships go downhill for me... the place where, because of my love for them, because I care so much and want to make them happy... I start to feel obligated to do things, then I feel suffocated... then the relationship turns into something I never wanted it to be - a struggle, a cage.
---------------------------
There will be more...
Copywrite Soulconstance aka Quin aka Me.
Tags: poetry
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Trigger Warning
Warning: Some of my poetry and prose may be triggering. I write just about as much about survivor issues as I do about love.
Please keep yourself safe.
Please keep yourself safe.
