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Disgusted

Posted by purplelikeme , 17 April 2012 · 85 views

I feel disgusted right now. I don't know any better word for what is going on inside of me. My mother revealed to me a few days ago that she has known about my assault for a long time. Since she found out, she has just ignored it.

She told me that I should just try not to think about it. That if I quit thinking about it so much, it will just go away. I told her that I don't think that is a reasonable suggestion...that I can't just not think about it between the nightmares and the flashbacks. She suggested that I "take my thoughts captive" and recite a Bible verse to myself every time it comes to mind--that that will help me submit my thoughts to the will of God.

What the (insert inappropriate word here)? Who says that to their kid? As a minister and as someone who is almost finished with their master's in counseling, I have to say that that is the most ridiculous suggestion I have ever heard.

She rolled her eyes at me. I could have slapped her.

Before, I felt alone because no one in my family knew about what had happened to me. Now I feel alone because they have made it evident that they don't care. I am empty, I am hurting, I am disgusted.



i have faced pretty much the same situation, my mum was aware my father was abusing me 2 years before i disclosed to everyone and that following 2 years when she said nothing caused me imense pain, i struggled with the thought of being able to comprehend that something so hurrendous was happenening to ur child and she looked the other way, i felt lonely, devastated, abused and betrayed all over again-----then i looked from a different side, my mum wasnt and still isnt strong enough to deal with all the pain and emotion that comes with facing up to what went on, its easier for me because i lived it so i have no gaps to fill and let my imagination run wild, my mum can only second guess the full extent which causes her great pain, i see my mother as a victim too, and its not that our parents dont care, quite the opposite infact, its their way of coping, they cant face the pain so maybe if we dont mention it it never happened and aall the pain will go, we all know it wont but anythings worth a shot. Stay strong xxx

January 2015

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