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oh, father's day.

Posted by SomebodyLoveMe , 14 June 2014 · 34 views

it's that time of year again. after sixteen years, i'm finally coming to grips with my father's suicide. for a while i was too young, for a while i convinced myself he never existed, for a while i struggled, and now i've made peace with it. what's done is done.
my brother has always been my superman. he's been the only male role model i've ever had. i can't find the words to express the undying admiration of him for being the closest thing to a father that i ever had without it coming across like i'm placing that burden or responsibility on him. unfortunately, he's on the other side of the country. he and i spent more time together than either of us did with our mom. we went through a lot together. my mom would leave us with our grandparents while she went to college. they actually drugged us while we were children. we never thought it was anything out of the ordinary, so we never brought it up until long after. my mom felt terrible, but she didn't know. she said if she had known we never would have gone up there again.
my mom's a very special lady, though. i got her a father's day card. i had to find one without male pronouns, and i wrote a message about how it doesn't take a man to be a father...because it doesn't. i also bought her a sweater she's been wanting. and her birthday is the day after father's day. her boyfriend and i went half-and-half on a gift card for new running shoes. for her birthday, i'm making her an almond cake with a light honey buttercream and fondant flowers.
with the boundless love and support that my mom and brother have shown, i have never once felt deprived of a parent.

October 2014

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