struggling a little more lately
I feel like a total loser because I don't have a job. my mom is easy on me about that due to all the recent chaos, but I feel like a failure. she doesn't know how I feel. I can't convey it well enough, and if I could, I'd be on a one way trip to the hospital. that's the last thing I need right now. but sometimes I think I belong there. my depression is spiraling down and the thoughts I am having are not healthy.
but i've been contemplating my sleeping arrangements. i've been sleeping on the floor for like a week. it's a toss-up between my bed or the couch. i'm very uncomfortable in my room. my anxiety flares up and i go into a panic attack. my room is where i keep all my stuff. that's all. i try to spend as little time in there as possible. but the couch...not too long ago a close friend slept there. he was like family. and now he's a murderer. i'm still processing and having a very hard time with this, but sleeping in the same place as a heartless killer is somewhat unsettling.