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struggling a little more lately

Posted by SomebodyLoveMe , 01 February 2014 · 168 views

it seems like i've been dissociating myself from the real world. school is a fucking mess. even my instructor sees me slipping. i've been half-heartedly baking my cakes and not putting much thought into decorations. compared to everyone else, mine are mediocre at best. that shit used to be my life, but now i'm just going through the motions.
I feel like a total loser because I don't have a job. my mom is easy on me about that due to all the recent chaos, but I feel like a failure. she doesn't know how I feel. I can't convey it well enough, and if I could, I'd be on a one way trip to the hospital. that's the last thing I need right now. but sometimes I think I belong there. my depression is spiraling down and the thoughts I am having are not healthy.
but i've been contemplating my sleeping arrangements. i've been sleeping on the floor for like a week. it's a toss-up between my bed or the couch. i'm very uncomfortable in my room. my anxiety flares up and i go into a panic attack. my room is where i keep all my stuff. that's all. i try to spend as little time in there as possible. but the couch...not too long ago a close friend slept there. he was like family. and now he's a murderer. i'm still processing and having a very hard time with this, but sleeping in the same place as a heartless killer is somewhat unsettling.


I hope you can find a place you can sleep peacefully.

June 2016

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