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having a really hard time right now.

Posted by SomebodyLoveMe , 06 January 2014 · 167 views

not going to school for a prolonged period of time gives me flashbacks.
when it happened, i was at a special school for kids with learning problems, emotional problems, and significant court records.
i started school on a tuesday, and it happened thursday after school.
my mom didn't make me go back friday. she actually called the school and raised absolute hell. she told them to keep him away from me, make sure i wasn't harassed about it, and ensure a safe environment.
on monday, i took a klonopin (prescribed), and tried to go back one last time. my mom let me go with an extra klonopin incase a crisis arose, which could have gotten me in a considerable amount of trouble. she also told me to keep my phone on me and call if there were any problems. i had to keep the pill and my phone in my bra, because you get searched as soon as you get there. i was instructed to do one, or both, of these things in the one person, highly monitored bathroom.
well, he wasn't there, but his sister was. she apparently started friday. so at lunch, she confronts me, and starts yelling about how i got him in trouble, i'm lying, he wouldn't do that, and she wanted to fight me. so i told one of the teachers on lunch duty that i had to go to the bathroom. so he escorted me there and waited outside since the door didn't lock. i took my klonopin, called my mom, and completely fell apart. i had to talk very quietly because i wasn't even supposed to have my phone. i told her she had to come get me.
when i came out in complete shambles, the teacher sent me to the counselor, where i sat until my mom got there. her work was forty minutes away, but i still cried the whole time. she comes in, mad as holy hell, and gets in the office with both principals and the counselor, and absolutely tears into them.
well, then we left. for good. she wasn't even going to ask me to go back.
it took over a month to get me into a new school. we had to jump through a series of hoops, and get a lot of people involved along the way. we got the superintendents and principals of two separate counties involved. i had to change counties to get away from there. there was a lot of dispute between the superintendents about how expensive it would be for me to switch when i didn't live in the other county. my mom was enraged that it came down to money, so she got the police involved. after over a month of bullshit, i finally went back to school. i was terrified.
it was hard to keep my older brother out of all of this. he didn't know what happened, or why i wasn't going to school, and we didn't want him to know. even though he was older, and exponentially more stable, than me, we were trying to protect him. growing up, he was my father figure. he would have been the same cross between furious and heartbroken that my mom was, and we didn't want him to carry that baggage around. he could have also gotten himself in trouble by confronting or harming this guy. my brother didn't know about this until last year. we were all in the car, and my mom and i were fighting. i don't know how it came up, but i started screaming about it, not thinking about him being in the car. all he said was "what!?" but my mom and i carried on. he didn't press the issue because i was in hysterics. i just pray that he let that roll off his back, because he hasn't mentioned anything since then.
i guess, bottom line here, with winter break and then being off today and tomorrow because we're in the negatives, i'm starting to have some trouble.

April 2015

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