I actually let out a scream. I'm not sure what the neighborhood thought, but it felt good. I was finally able to cry after that. Thank God. It's been one hell of a week, so much anger and hurt. Crippling feelings of powerlessness and despair. I haven't even been able to write, which is my go-to when I can't take it. Mind's just been such a jumble.
I think talking to my mother was a mistake. I think I felt safer with her at arm's length. I forgot how her mind games eat at me until I opened myself up to them again. She lies without even knowing she does it. She avoids the truth in hopes I'll doubt it myself. I'm not doing this to myself. I need to be safe and well, which I was until I opened the channel of communication.