Help
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
The thing about being depressed is that every molehill becomes a mountain, every cruel real-life comment provoking a deep, inner pain. The past is omnipresent, each painful moment relived.
The thing about being happy is that nothing seems to matter at all, and I can't relate to the me a week ago who saw the world in such a dull grey. I only see the present, and wonder why depressed me mulls so much about the past.
Are we simply just a collection of chemicals? I feel like my life is a constant spiral, everything controlled by what the weather is inside my head. If it's raining, sometimes I can barely function. If it's sunny, I live by impulse, speeding at a hundred miles an hour through life and ignoring the warning signs.
I want to achieve a balance. I'm tired of being the passenger in my own life. I'd seek help, but I'm not sure I trust anybody enough. The last time I tried medication was almost a fatal disaster. The time before that, it was completely ineffective, and I cannot communicate myself well enough to make my wishes and fears heard.
And days like today, I don't even feel like I need help. I'm feeling wonderful, everything's sunny. I know it's just temporary and the clouds are coming but I can't really *see* them. I know the darkness will come back but I don't really let myself understand the ramifications of that until it comes and then... then there'll be another shutdown.
It could be tomorrow, it could be three months from now. All I can do is live the little bits of life I get between.
The thing about being happy is that nothing seems to matter at all, and I can't relate to the me a week ago who saw the world in such a dull grey. I only see the present, and wonder why depressed me mulls so much about the past.
Are we simply just a collection of chemicals? I feel like my life is a constant spiral, everything controlled by what the weather is inside my head. If it's raining, sometimes I can barely function. If it's sunny, I live by impulse, speeding at a hundred miles an hour through life and ignoring the warning signs.
I want to achieve a balance. I'm tired of being the passenger in my own life. I'd seek help, but I'm not sure I trust anybody enough. The last time I tried medication was almost a fatal disaster. The time before that, it was completely ineffective, and I cannot communicate myself well enough to make my wishes and fears heard.
And days like today, I don't even feel like I need help. I'm feeling wonderful, everything's sunny. I know it's just temporary and the clouds are coming but I can't really *see* them. I know the darkness will come back but I don't really let myself understand the ramifications of that until it comes and then... then there'll be another shutdown.
It could be tomorrow, it could be three months from now. All I can do is live the little bits of life I get between.
Share This Entry:
Arietta_Sashrady likes this
