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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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amandaunderthepink likes this

Damaged goods

03 August 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Thats what I feel like. Not good enough for this, not good enough for that. I hate it. I feel alone and afraid all the time and tired. so tired. even on meds so flippin tired, But I can;t sleep because of him. he;s here in my head all the time. I can't and dont know what to do about it

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Posted by amandaunderthepink  
If you could see through my eyes the person that I am
the pain and disgrace I feel
The disgust that I deal with every day
and the hurt
the nightmares
the memories that never stop
and the pain that never ends
fractured
broken
shattered and alone
wanting love
and a place of my own

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Am in need of help

09 July 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I had a T appointment today. Am left confused. She tells me I am letting my r*** run my life, due to the fact that I have gotten a LOT worse.I can no longer sleep-even with meds. It has been 2 years-I want my life back. It needs to come back-I want to stop hurting my friends and my boyfriend. I want to be able to read/ view certain media without...
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Posted by amandaunderthepink  
so here I am, 2 years later, still trying to cope. Triggers scare me-its gotten worse. Can't eat certain foods anymore, my throat closes and I cannot breathe, I can't blink without crying. I have a wonderful boyfriend who puts my needs before his own-I am blessed. My insides hurt if I on't lie down, I am ashamed to perform certain...
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well here i am

19 November 2011
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
17 months later. I am dealing with so much more abuse thats been recovered in T. Molestation by my uncle at 4, rape from 6-26 by my brother, and I am really trying to deal with it. I ask those that know me on the 12 of every month to be understanding as i am trying to deal with the memories of what happened to me. Most people are understanding of...
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COURT

06 December 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
THIS WEEK I FIND OUT HIS SIDE OF THE STORY. THE COPS ARE GOING TO INTERVIEW HIM , AND THEN IT GETS SENT TO THE PROSECUTOR. AND THEN IT GETS DECIDED WHETHER OR NOT IT GOES TO COURT. I AM REALLY STRESSED OVER THIS. I TRIGGER CONSTANTLY AND THE TRIGGERS ARE AFFECTING MY WORK.

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UPDATE

22 November 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I TALKED TO THE SHERRIFF'S DEPT AGAIKN TODAY-HE'S LAWYERED UP. SO NOW BEGINS THE WAITNG GAME...,I AM GONNA NEED STUFF TO KEEP ME SANE, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY MIND!!

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POLICE REPORT

21 November 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I HAD TO GO ON TUESDAY AND MAKE A POLICE REPORT. I WORKED WITH A VICTIMS ADVOCATE AND A FEMALE DEPUTY. I REMEMBERED MORE THAN I DID WHEN I FIRST REPORTED MY RAPE. I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS WEARING, WHAT HE WAS WEARING, THE FACT THAT HE HAD A FRIEND OVER, ECT. IT TOOK 3 HOURS, AND AT THE END, I WAS PULLING MY HAIR OUT.
THEY SAY THAT THEY ARE GOING...
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MY LAST T APPT.

19 October 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I HAD A T APPOINTMENT ON THE 14TH-TWO DAYS AFTER MY 4 MONTH ANNI. I TOLD HER EVERYTHING-IN DETAIL. I REMEMBER CRYING AND ROCKING. I STILL FEEL ASHAMED, BECAUSE OF THE WAY MY BODY RESPONDED DURING THE RAPE. I CANNOT SIT UP STRAIGHT ANYMORE, OR PUT ANYTHING IN MY MOTH WITHOUT GAGGING.HOWEVER, I CAN BRUSH MY TEETH FINE. I CANNOT TOUCH MYSELF TO WASH...
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Second T APPT

20 September 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
MY SECOND T APPT. IS ON THE 30TH. I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT MY RAPE. I REFUSE. I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT AND SHOULD BE HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS STUFF??

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.