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When will I be free? I can't forgive, I can't find peace or love here. I remember all the abuse I have been through. I frel like I will never be free.
I sleep covered, with the television on. I try to act like everything is fine, lioke I have no problems. Inside, my heart feels heavy. I wrap myself in purple and in heavy blankets, trying to find relief. And I remember....
I remember pressing charges against my r*p*st. I was crying during my statement. Ripping out my hair. Going back and forth so much it was unreal. And I was somewhere near the ceiling so it wasnt really happening to me. It was some other girl there, some girl shaking, pulling her hair and sobbing.
After being dropped off to my apartment,I barricaded myself. I locked the door, turned off my phone, put a old pair of sweats on and I hid. Oh my gosh, I kept myself from the world, from others. Oh, I ran around and tried to fix myself. I was broken, so I slept around-to fix myself. Or so I thought. It didn't work.
Then I found out that the case was dropped-suppoedly because the police in my town couldn't make sense of my statement-but lets just say I have my suspicions.
Now, I don't invite men to see me. I thought that would help, but I think that it only made me worse. I stay inside most days, so that nothing bad happens to me. Going out after dark is no longer an option.
I am trapped-want to be free
I sleep covered, with the television on. I try to act like everything is fine, lioke I have no problems. Inside, my heart feels heavy. I wrap myself in purple and in heavy blankets, trying to find relief. And I remember....
I remember pressing charges against my r*p*st. I was crying during my statement. Ripping out my hair. Going back and forth so much it was unreal. And I was somewhere near the ceiling so it wasnt really happening to me. It was some other girl there, some girl shaking, pulling her hair and sobbing.
After being dropped off to my apartment,I barricaded myself. I locked the door, turned off my phone, put a old pair of sweats on and I hid. Oh my gosh, I kept myself from the world, from others. Oh, I ran around and tried to fix myself. I was broken, so I slept around-to fix myself. Or so I thought. It didn't work.
Then I found out that the case was dropped-suppoedly because the police in my town couldn't make sense of my statement-but lets just say I have my suspicions.
Now, I don't invite men to see me. I thought that would help, but I think that it only made me worse. I stay inside most days, so that nothing bad happens to me. Going out after dark is no longer an option.
I am trapped-want to be free
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About my blog
This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
