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Time for an update! And i feel compelled to write. I find it odd that I feel that i have to write when it's close to an anni (my 16 month anni is in 5 days.) Or, when I am having problems. I dont think of the rape all the time. I don't think of the molestation all the time. But, when I hear a noise, or am in a room that's too quiet, or see something on the news, something happens.
I either get so mad that I can't stand it, or so depressed that I don't want to leave bed, or all I want to do is sleep.Pictures of my daughter keep me going, nail polish makes me happy-for awhile. It's always a while. Then, I sink back down. I keep seeing myself as the victim.
Then, there are the problems I have. I have to use douches, due to the fact that I have an IUD. But, I can't do this without triggering.I can't. I am sorry that I sound like a baby-whining and crying over something that cannot be changed.
I keep thinking that I should be over all this by now. But I'm not. i don't know what to do. My T is not helping and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is gone...all support I have is gone. I ask God why it happened to me, what it was that I did-and I get no reply.
I need advice-anyone have any??
I either get so mad that I can't stand it, or so depressed that I don't want to leave bed, or all I want to do is sleep.Pictures of my daughter keep me going, nail polish makes me happy-for awhile. It's always a while. Then, I sink back down. I keep seeing myself as the victim.
Then, there are the problems I have. I have to use douches, due to the fact that I have an IUD. But, I can't do this without triggering.I can't. I am sorry that I sound like a baby-whining and crying over something that cannot be changed.
I keep thinking that I should be over all this by now. But I'm not. i don't know what to do. My T is not helping and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is gone...all support I have is gone. I ask God why it happened to me, what it was that I did-and I get no reply.
I need advice-anyone have any??
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About my blog
This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
