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I still have nightmares, still hear voices. I wonder if any man will ever see me as beautiful.....I see myself as ugly, trashy, a peice to be used and thrown away. I am starting tom feel better.
But I do not trust the feeling. It happens all the time. I feel better and then the memories restart. I cant keep running myself down to sleep. I cant keep beings afraid to look men in thier eyes, or be close to them, or be touched by thier hands.
I want to be loved, but am coming to realize that what happened to me was not love, no matter what my uncle, and brother told me, and that I was not special or liked the way my friends brother told me. I was USED. I still hate myself for it, and wish that it would all go away.
Thats another thing. I know I need to talk about what happened to me but I am tired of talking about it.Thats why havent been on pandys for a while.I know that Pandy's is a healing place.....but what if you are stuck in your healing????
1 Comments On This Entry
They don't show......
on May 25 2013 09:01 AM
scared of food
on Mar 31 2013 06:40 PM
What happened in my T session
on Jan 28 2013 08:52 PM
on Jan 12 2013 07:07 PM
I feel the need to hide away-and its affecting others
on Jan 11 2013 10:24 PM