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OK GUYS, I AM HITTING THE 6 WEEK MARK. MY GOD, I WAS RAPED 6 WEEKS AGO. IT SEEMS LIKE A CRAZY DREAM...EITHER THAT OR UNREAL...
I STILL CAN'T SLEEP( IM UP AT 1:42 AM TYPING THIS.) I OVEREAT. I FEEL LIKE TRASH ON A DAILY BASIS. AND I MIGHT STILL BE PREGNANT. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOM, BUT NOT THIS WAY.... I WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE I LOVE. SOMEONE I TRUST. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME. NOW I FEEL LIKE ALL THAT IS GONE AND I AM CARRYING MY RAPIST'S BABY. IF I AM PREGNANT,WHAT WILL I TELL THE CHILD WHEN IT ASKS ABOUT IT'S DAD?
THE CHILD. I STILL WANT TO CALL IT "IT", PRETEND THAT MY LAST PERIOD DIDN'T RUN FOR 3 DAYS INSTEAD OF 7, THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN NAUSEOUS IN THE MORNINGS, THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN HUNGRY AS A HORSE AND EXHAUSTED AFTER DOING WHAT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING ALL DAY LONG.
SOMETIMES I STILL FEEL LIKE I CAN'T FUNCTION, LIKE I AM SLOWLY SLIDING DOWN...BUT AT A ALARMING RATE
I STILL CAN'T SLEEP( IM UP AT 1:42 AM TYPING THIS.) I OVEREAT. I FEEL LIKE TRASH ON A DAILY BASIS. AND I MIGHT STILL BE PREGNANT. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOM, BUT NOT THIS WAY.... I WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE I LOVE. SOMEONE I TRUST. SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME. NOW I FEEL LIKE ALL THAT IS GONE AND I AM CARRYING MY RAPIST'S BABY. IF I AM PREGNANT,WHAT WILL I TELL THE CHILD WHEN IT ASKS ABOUT IT'S DAD?
THE CHILD. I STILL WANT TO CALL IT "IT", PRETEND THAT MY LAST PERIOD DIDN'T RUN FOR 3 DAYS INSTEAD OF 7, THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN NAUSEOUS IN THE MORNINGS, THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN HUNGRY AS A HORSE AND EXHAUSTED AFTER DOING WHAT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING ALL DAY LONG.
SOMETIMES I STILL FEEL LIKE I CAN'T FUNCTION, LIKE I AM SLOWLY SLIDING DOWN...BUT AT A ALARMING RATE
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About my blog
This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.
What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.
There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.
Take care.
-Steph