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amandaunderthepink likes this

I will breathe...

29 October 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Today was not a very good day for me. I had a T appointment. So, even afraid to leave my house, I went to T. It did not go very well. I am looking for answers as to why I feel this way, solutions as to how to fix it. I sat and told my T that I am afraid to leave my house, that I relive over and over and over my r*pe. She then asked me why after a...
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Tags: T, r*pe, failed by system, fear

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Breakdown

24 October 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Geez, Amanda, break down much?
Today, I relived a part of my past. I was talking to an old friend and felt the need to tell him, because it has changed me from who he used to know to this whole different person. One who is afraid to go anywhere. One who can't eat certain foods, who cries all the time and who finds comfort in talking to others...
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Tags: shame, can't deal, hurt

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Anni

12 October 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Today is my 16 month anni, and while it's getting harder for me to track the months-though part of that is due to disabilities-I cannot forget what happened to me and spent most of my day gagging, in bed and only left the house to get my check.

Which brings me to a diffrent problem-I get nervous when I leave the house.I shake, sweat, and get...
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Here, in my head

07 October 2012
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Time for an update! And i feel compelled to write. I find it odd that I feel that i have to write when it's close to an anni (my 16 month anni is in 5 days.) Or, when I am having problems. I dont think of the rape all the time. I don't think of the molestation all the time. But, when I hear a noise, or am in a room that's too...
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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.