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amandaunderthepink likes this

SOMEHOW I FEEL...

24 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
OK GUYS, I AM HITTING THE 6 WEEK MARK. MY GOD, I WAS RAPED 6 WEEKS AGO. IT SEEMS LIKE A CRAZY DREAM...EITHER THAT OR UNREAL...

I STILL CAN'T SLEEP( IM UP AT 1:42 AM TYPING THIS.) I OVEREAT. I FEEL LIKE TRASH ON A DAILY BASIS. AND I MIGHT STILL BE PREGNANT. I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOM, BUT NOT THIS WAY.... I WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE I LOVE....
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Countdown

22 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I FEEL LIKE I AM RUNNING A COUNTDOWN...COLLEGE STUFF TO BUY, BOOKS TO ORDER, EAR TO PIERCE, THERAPY TO GO TO.....

WAIT A SECOND. THERAPY? ITS NOT NORMAL FOR A FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE TO GO INTO RAPE THERAPY..BUT THEN I HAVEN'T HAD A NORMAL SUMMER. MOVED OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE, SPENT 2 NIGHTS IN HOTELS, RAPED TWICE-ONCE BY A STRANGER AND ONCE BY...
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Im Scared

21 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I have been feeling sick in the mornings. I am scared I might be preganant. How can I carry my rapist's baby???

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Slowly going under...

20 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I CAN'T DO IT!!! I AM TRYING TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE, BUT CANT WHEN I ALWAYS HEAR HIS VOICE IN MY HEAD.. I KEEP FEELING HIM AND CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT. THIS IS AFFECTING MY JOB AND MY LIFE. I WANT OUT. I FEEL LIKE IM LOSING IT

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Posted by amandaunderthepink  
So what was the reason I was raped? Why did that happen to me? I used to be a smart, cool, fun woman. Now I am nothing. I am ready for a boyfriend, and no one seems interested.Did I do something wrong? Do men see marks on me? I was a real hot commodity until I was raped.. I was a virgin at 28 years old. That was stolen from me and will never come...
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Something's wrong

18 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I don't get what it is...it seems like I am running a countdown..been raped a month ago, and I am tired of it. I don't go to T, however I am just so tired a run down. Nothing works anymore. I try to be strong and pretend it doesn't bother me, but I am starting to wonder if something is wrong...like I am going crazy or losing my mind...
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Shamed

11 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
Its been 3 1/2 weeks.. Im still ashamed. I dont trust anyone anymore. I'm jumpy, cross and to top it all off, mty super wants me to take time off to recover. Im tired. Where did I go??

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Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I cant stand soy sauce anymore.. it smells too much like the beer that he made me drink. I almost passed out in the mall where I work today.
Speaking of work, I have a corrective against me, for not being up to standards. I trigger daily on the floor- I work in the men's dept. of a upscale store. They know about my triggers-they call them...
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Why Did it happen?

01 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I feel so stupid...I I was raped by a friend's brother. He asked me to come over, telling me he wanted my company. And because I always had a crush on him, I agreed. When I went to his door, he was drunk. I came into his house, and we started kissing. the first thought in my head was, wow, my first real kiss. We moved back to his bed room,...
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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.