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amandaunderthepink likes this

Second T APPT

20 September 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
MY SECOND T APPT. IS ON THE 30TH. I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT MY RAPE. I REFUSE. I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT AND SHOULD BE HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS STUFF??

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3 month anni

15 September 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
WELL I DIDNT GO ON MY DATE. THE GUY NEVER SHOWED UP SO I FEEL A LITTLE SAFER. MY THREEE MONTH ANNI WAS SUNDAY THE 12TH. I CRIED NONSTOP[ THAT DAY AND MY FRIENDS THAT I AM LIVING WITH DROVE ME TO CORNERSTONE. THEY EMERGENCY ADMITTED ME THEN SENT IN A MALE T TO TALK TO ME. I REMEMBER TELLING HIM=YOURE NOT A GIRL= THEN, AFTER MY LANDLORD BRIEFED HIM...
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Im scared

09 September 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I HAVE A DATE TOMORROW...ITS MY FIRST DATE AFTER MY RAPE AND THE MAN WANTS TO TAKE ME TO A HOTEL AND TEACH ME WHAT SEX IS REALLY LIKE. IM SCARED AND DONT REALLY WANT TO GO...BUT I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT I AM BEING STUPID AND TO SUCK IT UP AND GO. I TELL MYSELF THAT ITS TIME FOR ME TO STOP DEALING WIITH THE SHIT AND TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE....
IS...
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I wish I was a mirror...

08 August 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I wish I was a mirror. I hate what I see when I look at myself. I can't deal with this anymore... If I was a mirror, I'd crack into a thousand pieces. I can't deal with this anymore. i feel like I am losing my mind....

I don't loike myself anymore. I don't...
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IM MAD AT T

06 August 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
SO... TODAY I WENT TO CORNERSTONE TO MY FIRST T. I FILLED OUT THE NECESSARY PAPERWORK...CRIED ALL THE WHILE...THEN GOT TO THE WAITING ROOM TO SEE THE T AMD WAITED FOR FOUR HRS W/O BEING SEEN!!! I AM TRYING TO FEEL BETTER CAN THEY NOT GET THAT??

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I WANT TO MOVE ON...

05 August 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING INSIDE ME IS BROKEN AND I CAN'T FIX IT.... I DON'T WANT TO DWELL ON IT, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO LET IT GO... IT HAPPENED. I COULDN'T STOP IT. TOUCHES NOW BOTH EXCITE AND REPULSE ME. I HURT INSIDE..THERE IS NO ONE TO SHARE MY PAIN WITH.
PEOPLE TELL ME I AM BEING DRAMATIC. I TELL MYSELF TO PUSH THRU THE CRAP AND...
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I WANT TO HAVE SEX...

04 August 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
I HAVE A FRIEND IN FL. WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT EVERY TOPIC IN THE WORLD, AND I REALLY TRUST HIM. HE IS COMING DOWN HERE TO MEET ME AND WE HAVE DISCUSED HAVING SEX. WE BOTH WANT TO, BUT I'M NERVOUS....
WHAT IF I HAVE FLASHBACKS? WHAT IF I CAN'T HANDLE IT? WHAT IF HE FREAKS OUT???
I'M CONFUSED!!

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2 weeks

02 August 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
2 WEEKS TIL COLLEGE. i AM NERVOUS AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT ANYMORE.... THINGS FOR ME ARE UP ONE MINUTE DOWN THE NEST, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT ANY MORE.....

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JUST ANOTHER DAY

29 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
CALLED FINANCIAL AID AT MY COLLEGE TODAY...MY TUITION IS PAID FOR. I'M STILL ON THE WAITING LIST FOR AN APARTMENT. I AM EXCITED, YET WORRIED...

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON MY OWN BEFORE. I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED WITH SOMEBODY-PARENTS, MY BROTHER, FRIENDS. I GET LONELY BUT AM EXCITED!!!!AT LAST A CHANCE TO BE ON MY OWN, AND TO DO THE...
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I FEEL SICK

28 July 2010
Posted by amandaunderthepink  
COLLEGE STARTS IN 3 1/2 WEEKS...AND I'M GOING BACK.....I FEEL SICK AND SCARED. I DON'T GET IT. IT WASN'T LIKE THIS LAST YEAR...

BUT LAST YEAR I WASN'T A RAPE VICTIM. LAST YEAR I DIDN'T LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER AT EVERY LITTLE NOISE, OR JUMP OUTTA MY SKIN AT EVERY LITTLE NOISE. I NEVER WANTED ANY OF THIS.
I FEEL LIKE I AM TRYING...
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