Here is a more, slightly in-depth thing on what exploded today and why I am so down.
He said that he'd been "wrapping his head around this the past couple days and here's the conclusion".
He doesn't want to get too attached going into the Navy. "You're a great gal and you deserve a great guy, but I'm afraid that's not going to be me. I don't want you to get attatched to someone who's leaving in a few months, nor could I really handle that on my end."
That he'd been through a similar thing recently. He said, "I'm sorry darlin', but I just recently have overcome something similar, and I can't emotionally afford to do so again. I shouldn't even be in the market for a girlfriend right now," I told him that I still wanted to try, that I'd be willing if he was.
I told him that I understood and wished things could be different.
I asked if we could still keep in touch and he said, "I dunno. I don't think so. There's a lot going on in my life right now I don't think it would be best." but he said he'd "hang onto my number just in case".
And then....he deleted me off Facebook.
A part of me still believes that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. I can keep seeing people in the meantime; and I have his contact info in case.... what if his Navy stuff doesn't pan out? Who knows what the future will hold?
But tonight I'm crushed.
I'm crying and mad and crying and pissed and punching things.
In all honesty, if you knew him, it sounded like he was being sincere.
I think the reason he kept wanting to see me was cuz he really did like me. He got caught up.
And maybe he's just scared. I can wholly understand where he's coming from in a way.
I'm pissed; but what else can I do? I gotta get happy again, and see other people.
I still believe that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. What if his Navy thing doesn't work out? What if he's just scared? What if...he changes his mind and realizes what he's missing. There's a bunch of factors.
I still stand firmly by 'if it's meant to be, it'll happen'. I think that we'll find each other eventually, even if it's years from now.
We had an amazing connection, maybe he just got scared. I don't think he's a total douche, but can see that maybe he just needed a way to drop me before joining the Navy. Ah well. I just....I cannot just "let this go" - he was a special case. He was someone I felt I had known all along but had never met; a guy I waited, in my heart and soul, four years for. Who lifted the lid off my heart's casket and brought me back to life. I had never been more happy than I was last week. Never. And now, I don't know when those exact feelings will come back.
There's other fish in the sea and I may find someone else, or I may end up with Chris, who knows.
But I actually prayed tonight (and last night, whoa - I am agnostic, I never pray!) that things work out with me and Chris Streeter. That, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Till then, I see other people. *sigh*