Movin' on, movin' up.
I hung out with Chris, his roomie Wes, and Wes's girl (so...in a sense it was like a double-date).
We went to an Irish pub and it was fantastic. Soo much fun. Wes and Chris know the guy who was performing, an old Irish guy who greeted both me and Wes's girl with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. :]
Chris and I had a couple Jack & Coke's (I was completely unaffected, like my tolerance shot up!), and he was holding me and we smooched...it was cute, we were all couple-y and it was nice!
Then, Chris got called up to sing, and it was amusing. He was so into it, it was cute, I was happy. I smiled at him the whole time and gave him a few "way to go!" kisses. Then all the girls got called up to stage to dance, clap, and sing in the background, which we did - but there was only a few girls up there with us.
Chris and I had one more drink; and then the four of us trekked home after the concert was over. It was so much fun!!!
Once home, Wes & his girl went to bed. Chris and I stayed up in his room watching stuff on YouTube.
I started giving him little kisses, and he'd smile and kiss me back.
We ended up making out, which carried over to the bed. Sex did not occur, but things got pretty heated. It was so nice having him kiss me and be close with me....and I liked making him happy.
I partially wanted to do it, hell, I want him - but
1. I do not want to be just a "quick fuck" and have him be on his merry way (though I truly believe he is better than that),
2. While I didn't get scared like usual (I felt amazing last night!), I actually wanted this, I didn't want to get scared if it did start to happen and I had to tell him to stop. I didn't want to act out of the ordinary.
3. I have no birth control or Plan B. I do not trust "just condoms".
I took a breather and went into the bathroom, where I got mad at myself for a moment.
I really think I wanted it last night! I wanted it slow and passionate, and we were pretty heated; I think it had the potential to go well.
I am very comfortable with him, which speaks volumes. I do not normally "initiate" things, nor have I ever been so willing/comfortable with a guy before, except my ex, Ky.
I could not understand why, even after wanting it, there was some nagging feeling in me that made me say no. It's like, I felt just obligated to say 'no' because it's what has always happened, not because I was scared, or nervous, but because it was routine - that's what really irked me.
Last night, I got that longing....to have a "sweet" "first time", romantic and passionate, like in the movies. Or even just, realistically, having someone "set up" the room, and make things a little more nice/romantic then just sex, in bed. I never got that.
It seems kind of silly...but I wish someone would honor it.
When I told him no, he just smiled at me and said, "That's all you have to say." and we continued kissing and being snuggly. I told him that I "really did want" him, it just wasn't the right time. He nodded understandingly. We gave each other backrubs, which was really nice too.
We didn't get to sleep till about 5am, and he snuggled up next to me and held me as we fell asleep. We woke up around 1-something in the afternoon, lounged around in bed kissing, moving around, dozing off, snuggling again, repeating till about 2:40p.
He had errands to run, and I did too, so I left his place about 3:00p.
On the way home, I texted him about last night. I apologized if I had come off as "a tease", that I'm not 'that kind of girl', I didn't want to be just a "quick fuck" for him and have him move on, because I really like him....and said that I think he likes me too. I told him that I didn't have high morals like "no sex till marriage" (that obviously went out the window years ago...), but that I thought "no sex till we become a couple isn't too much to ask". I just want him to be patient with me.
He replied back that it was perfectly fine, and he appreciates the fact that I have morals and stick by them.
It makes me proud that he is as respectable and respectful as I believed, and that he values my morals.
We just...we have this connection, and it's awesome and great and yet still so strange, ha. I feel so amazing with him (I've gotten butterflies in my stomach every time I've gone over there, even tho I know that it'll be a great time ), and I just love seeing his smile, hearing his laugh, and those looks he gives me as he smiles at me... He is just a great guy, and I've had an amazing past few days with him.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this week goes!