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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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Can't Think of A Title....

20 December 2012
Posted by Shining_On124  
It's been awhile.

I need to post more frequently because there has been a lot weighing on my mind. I have been grappling with things since last Thursday. A trigger here, anxiety attack there, feeling like shit or just feeling gross; and tonight it feels like a mellow (not intense) level of depression. So subtle though that I calmly had an...
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Maybe Memories

10 June 2011
Posted by Shining_On124  
Last night I had a weird scene play in my head.

It was me, walking into Michael's "outside room" (as they called it - it was a glass room that had been built on the side of the house, they used it as a separate living room).

He was sitting on the couch in a black T-shirt and black Dickies. When he saw me approach, he lay down on...
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Tags: memories, flashbacks, sleeping problems

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Posted by Shining_On124  
Last night, I had some small bad dreams. The first one was sort of a flashback about the assault, trying to remember how I was feeling while it was happening, but I blacked out.
Then I remember being in a court room with a case of he-said-she-said between Michael and I, that no one believed me. That because he was my boyfriend at the time, he...
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Tags: bad dreams, memories, wondering

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Posted by Shining_On124  
I went to Planned Parenthood yesterday for routine STD checks and to check out some rash that had appeared.

I was able to do the HIV test without passing out (cuz you know, I hate needles, shots, and getting my blood drawn - but fortunately this was just a prick on my finger). I thought that was a big accomplishment on my part, so yay! I also...
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Tags: flashbacks, not over yet

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Current goals!

18 May 2011
Posted by Shining_On124  
Current goals:

1. Get a job (waiting to hear from the school district about a substitute custodian job)

2. Save money by August ($2,800)

3. Get health insurance on June 1st. See a psychatrist about more specific medication.

4. Move out with my best friend, Tracy, by summer's end.

5. Continue saving money.

6. Start...
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Posted by Shining_On124  
Sometimes, like tonight, it feels like I've made no progress.

That I'll always be "scared" of sex and I'll always be a burden to whomever I'm with, because I can't give them sex and they can just get it elsewhere.

That, even though my boyfriend and I have been doing fine for months, the sexual frustration will...
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Low Fidelity - updated

16 April 2011
Posted by Shining_On124  
I need to remember that I am not chained here, or anywhere.

Aside from still being unemployed, and starting school next month, I need to remember that the dating game is still dating even after the "I love you"s - nothing is permanent unless I want it to be!

Ryan and I have been together for about 5mos, and while we've...
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Tags: love, relationships, future

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Things on my mind.

28 September 2010
Posted by Shining_On124  
Just identified another trigger tonight...

"Rest stops" aka: where the big trucks go to park for the night.
Driving past those - I'd never been out and seen the semi trucks all clustered there, ever, - made my mind go blank and I felt briefly, two seconds of panic, but stayed grounded in my car and continued driving. It reminds me...
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Tags: triggers, thoughts

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Don't Let Go

22 September 2010
Posted by Shining_On124  
Thinking on how much better I am, emotionally, living-wise, friend-wise, than last year...makes me feel awesome.

This time last year, I made a couple new friends that have become my good friends (Avs, Jess), I was without two of my best friends who are now back in my life (Alana and Terra), I spent time with my favorite band, and made some good...
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Tags: happy, shining on

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CrashLove - Strictly Rude

12 September 2010
Posted by Shining_On124  
I'm still praying, at least for that. I'm still keeping him in my thoughts, even if just in the back of my mind.
Yesterday I cried again - big time. I talked to my roomie, Eric, who comes from a Navy family, and he wholly understands the decision that Chris had to make.
If it's meant to be, it'll happen - even if it's years...
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Tags: CrashLove, Semiotic Love, happy feelings, good times, good friends

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