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I need an escape.

Posted by Dark_and_Dead , 06 February 2013 · 71 views

I have been doing okay and now I am just stuck. I am trying to be strong and happy for everyone else around me, but it's getting to much and instead of doing the healthy thing and asking for space, I am retreating into my ED and pushing everyone away by hiding away from the world.

I am anxious ALL the time and I cannot handle it anymore, my flatmate just steers at me all the time and asks if I am okay every 5 minutes. I know I should be thankful but i'm not. I get that she is worried but it is to much I need a break. Her steering at me makes me so anxious and makes me feel like I am being judged. Especially because I am doing all I possibly can to stay out of hospital she makes it hard to eat when she steers at me and questions everything I do.

Not sure what to do. I am not getting help anymore because I refuse to go to my appointments as I hate my case worker so much! I changed my cell phone number just to avoid having to talk to the woman! My life is a mess but no one would know it. To everyone else I am doing well, I haven't been in hospital in over 2 weeks, I am studying and I appear happy. (I think)

I am so tired I miss sleep! And once again I am hiding away in my room while my flatmates are getting drunk and ready to go out to town. i could never do that anymore. The calories in alcohol scares me, and being out in public at partys and bars scares me even more. But I just make up excuses like I am exhausted or that I need to get sleep so I can do lots of study tomorrow..what a joke.

Gah fighting a losing battle it feels like.

Well, I'm glad you wrote it down. It sounds like you'd like some help? I have a very good friend who I trust with my thoughts such as these. If I went to her and told her the things that you have spoken about here, she would say "there's a simple solution for this - get yourself to the doctor and get the medical support you need". I know, I hate going to the doctor too. They look at you as though they are judging you and they say they understand when they don't. It's a temporary solution, but I'd highly recommend it. Maybe with some medical support you could pull yourself out of the hole you've fallen into without any need for case workers. What do you think? xx
I think what you are doing by writing is what can help you. I'm glad you haven't been in a hospital in the last few weeks. I never been. I think my mental doctor had thought about it but I wouldn't go if he suggested it. I have a friend to that does that to me as well. I couldn't handle the being watched though. Maybe say something to your friend about backing off some. just let her know that if you need her you will let her know. I hope that things get better for you.

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