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beast

25 August 2006

Posted by crazysanegirl

I was 17. I was a runaway with little knowledge on real life and so perfect prey. I didn’t know what I was getting into but I must have known a little because I was scared. You can’t be scared if you don’t already have a conception of what’s awaiting you.
I remember the car ride. I remember the highway, the exit, not knowing where I was but...

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what's a bad day? t

19 January 2006

Posted by crazysanegirl

A bad day is like today.

nauseous
stressed
worried
angry
angry about nauseous stressed and worried
cold
heavyness
chest consticted
alone
scared
scared because all the above
non stop
non stop
repetition
tired
hopeless
tired of seing fake light at the end of the tunnel
fake
lies
censure
overwhelmed
bad bad energy
cry

A bad day. I'm not...

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More. T

14 January 2006

Posted by crazysanegirl

Need to write more.
Same rules, no edit, one shot.
Need this so much. Anxious, lost in thoughts, confused, but hopeful.

Very T for me, probably anyone else too.

I was not able to read my last blog entry to Mrs. E (psychoanalyst).

I said, I need to read this to you because when I wrote it it was really disturbing to me. Here in...

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Uncensored. (Very T)

12 January 2006

Posted by crazysanegirl

Ok, I’m going to do this now.

I can do it, do it.

Non-stop. No stopping till it's time to stop. No editing. No reading before posting. No holding back.

I started this blog a few months ago thinking writing would help me talk in therapy. That was the goal. Give words to the experience here, then share those words with her. ...

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randometry part-2

23 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

--Toward and Away--

Starting to push you
away (away, away)
last night, more so today.
As always.
Surprise
it was not sooner.

Deserting you for
a place
where I run and run,
and run
away in my head,
away
from the resonance of your hand
on my neck,
in my hair,
away from intensity,
agitation,
embrace and softness.

Emotional-system...

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randometry (ran-dom-e-tree)

22 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

randometry (ran-dom-e-tree):
poetry of random thoughts.

a little mouse today
Goliath ahead
anxiety
panic
Huge anticipatory agony

hide here from him
wispered the friend
Hide here. Look safely at Goliath
here.
Prepare your strategy.

I think that's it for me today. Mouse, but here.
csg

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Free Flow (long) t

21 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

21-11-2005

I’ve been censoring.

I’ve been writing about ‘images’
memories I have
but I never said why it started
its not there all the time pictures like these need triggers
Triggers
Dreamy hotel hallways

I didn’t lie, but I didn’t say the real reason this is so important

It’s important because
To illustrate metaphorically dreamy hotel...

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words to R. instead T

21 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

I wrote this yesterday
didn't publish
too personal

I promised myself to not censor.

20-11-2005

R.,

Withheld. The stuff I can’t talk about

I learned to dissociate
It happens all the time.
Dissociation is a defense mechanism
The subconscious protecting the conscious
Kids will dissociate if they are experiencing something too intense...

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no voice

20 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

I cannot write. I want to write every day.

Too many thoughts all at once.

I'm posting something from a panic disorder website. I found it by googling dissociation. I wanted to find a way to explain it to R.

He lost me last night. It's a scary place for me right now.
csg.

From...

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pictures

19 November 2005

Posted by crazysanegirl

17-11-2005

I have many pictures in my head. Many pictures, of pretty and ugly. Everybody has them. Not many people have pictures of war in their head though. All the ugly ones I have are pictures of war. They come to the surface all the time. There are reminders of the past everywhere.

A friend of mine has gone to many place where there has...

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