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lizzie likes this

stop pillow flipping

05 March 2007
Posted by crazysanegirl  
No more pillow flipping.
What is the cause of gout?
Get rid of insomnia.
Is he afraid to commit?

Ads that appeared next to the text of your email. Although we do our
best to not take in the 'commercial' scenery, I always like read the
ads in gmail. I find them eerie. They always pick up on words in the
message. Sometimes they odly...
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Posted by crazysanegirl  
I haven't done this in a while.
I start this entry by not allowing myself to censor.
I've tried writing about it many times in the last few days but I keep deleting.
Or I keep wanting to change the subject
or I wander away.
I'm writing this in one shot.
Dont stop N.
I think I censor when I feel like the guilty party.
in this blog...
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inspire

10 February 2007
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Ok. I need to let it out. Need to talk.
Stress. Really stressed out lately.

This guy. I keep making vague references to him and it's really hard for me to say more. I think because I think what I'm doing is so wrong and I feel bad to even admit it.

The problem is there is nothing to admit as nothing has happened. The only thing...
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dis-ordered

03 February 2007
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I feel so down lately. It's not the usual kind of down. It feels like it's in my whole body.

I feel tired.

I feel like
like
what words to describe?

scared
sad
angry
anxious
disordered

tired.

I feel like I'm in this game show
where I get to chose
between door number 1
door number 2.
But it's a twisted game show:
behind...
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Wake up

31 January 2007
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I don't know why I'm writing so much these days.
Got a lot on the mind I guess.

Weight. Dead weight. I feel kinda dead.
It's that time of the year when people are sick with colds or down with the winter blues.
I got over the cold last week.
Now I'm trying to snap out of the depression.

I've been writing here for a...
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Looking for God

31 January 2007
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I search. I read it every day. I believe it every day, but because of my actions towards myself I obviously lack faith.

If I truly had faith, I wouldn't be afraid of the pain. I could stop smoking cigarettes and pot, drinking, I could face my daily torture without the use of a numbing substance, I could be free at last because I'd...
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Posted by crazysanegirl  
Warning: This will be highly triggering for anyone who has worked in prostitution or has been raped or has a vivid imagination. Some very graphic passages.

:trigger:
:trigger:
:trigger:




I hate all of them.

I pretend I don't, but I do. I still log onto their 'discussion boards' where they talk about the 'hobby', about...
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doing wrong

14 December 2006
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Animated by sexual tension
Attention
Animated by the attention
I'm getting from this married man.

It's wrong
I know.
It's a perverse song that shoud be
turned off.
Often I think: 'turn it off'
But he wins.

He wants to sleep with me
hence the attention
hence feeling,
desiring,
being animated by
sexual tension.

Till I give...
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hate

03 September 2006
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I hate myself its incredible.
Here I am, knocking myself out with a bottle of wine.
Why
Cuz I cant get a hold of myself
Cuz I cant figure the damn problem out
Cuz I cant fix myself


I want to scream

I want to die

I don't usually want to die, usually I keep control over those thoughts, but today I don't feel like controlling them.
Give...
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confusion of words

26 August 2006
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I don't get why I did it.
That's why I beat myself up.

I don't get why I didn't listen to the alarm bells when they were ringing.

I don't get how or why I turned into a prostitute.

So basically, I beat myself up because I don't understand why I didn't make adult decisions as a teenager? Which is ironic, because...
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lizzie likes this

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