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Three minus one's a charm

Posted by crazysanegirl , 10 January 2011 · 24 views

Let's go for two - two entries in a row: a charm. Yup, because two is three minus one. Ok, so I'm a cheat. But I'm allowed. It's my blog and my fucked up perceptions. I can have my cake and eat it too. My rules.

I can do three minus one. It's been what, over a year? And you know, I've got to talk. You can tell because I ain...


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Tea's a fraud

Posted by crazysanegirl , 10 January 2011 · 25 views

Wow, it's been a while. Sometimes you just don't feel like talking. Or you post things and save as drafts. Lots of drafts on this blog. Don't want to read them over. Time for a new post. A publish-it-even-if-you-don't-feel-like, new post.

In real life, real-life entries have been less drafty. I actually did graduate. I actually did...


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Worried

Posted by crazysanegirl , 11 July 2010 · 22 views

There's a fine line between genious and insanity. I'm worried. Sometimes I think the beautiful ideas I have and people say I have are actually sirens' songs guiding me toward my own end. I'm tired.

Other times, I remember my dear, deceased best friend's definition of insanity: if you think you're nuts, you aren't actually n...


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confronted

Posted by crazysanegirl , 27 March 2010 · 22 views

So I did it. I wrote a masters thesis. I did it despite my best friend death. It gave me strength. Rage. I did it in spite of the emotional trauma I have lived as a result of my prostitution. I didn't become that statistic that says I should be hooking for drugs - or dead.

Actually, the sad thing is I am a statistic. The what % of women who...


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Isa

Posted by crazysanegirl , 24 March 2010 · 35 views

Si l'univers est connecté, tu reçois ce message.

Isa,

À écrire ton nom, un frisson. Je ne sais pas si c'est toi, ou si c'est mon cerveau qui me joue des tours - ou les deux.

Je veux que tu saches... Oh tu le sais. Dis que tu le savais.

Que je t'ai toujours aimé. On s'est aimé aussi fort, mal mais fort.

Tu le sais aussi, que je...


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A word

Posted by crazysanegirl , 22 March 2010 · 19 views

A word.

Done.

I need to say more. Passed by a few times. Posted. Clicked 'draft'. Left.

I've been out of words because of Isa but also because they're all being used up in my thesis. 4 pages away. 4 pages away from what I thought was impossible. I'm tired but proud.

At the same time, anxiety. Worries about old ways....


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The worse place to be in is in a lie

Posted by crazysanegirl , 15 February 2010 · 20 views

1995. Year 1 of 'N. enters prostitution world.'

17. Number of years N. has kept the above quiet.

An instant. Time it took for 1995 to turn up in an argument between I and dad after best-friend/writer-associated-to-above-world died.

Half a dozen. Approximate number of relationships I have right now that I don't want to have right now.

Lost count. Numbe...


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New Year's Eve Blackout

Posted by crazysanegirl , 03 January 2010 · 36 views

Normally this wouldn't have made it onto the blog but best friend died in September and I have no one to share it with. I have other friends but not the kind I feel comfortable with talking about things like this - stupid things you did with some guy you didn't know.

I've never slept around. Stupid things I've done in the past have gene...


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Dad

Posted by crazysanegirl , 29 December 2009 · 28 views

Dad reads moms in my words
His mom; my mom
Looks for key-word accusations
Reconstructs sentences to make them say what moms think.

Sigh.


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Leaving for Edmonton

Posted by crazysanegirl , 21 December 2009 · 33 views

Last Sunday, Edmonton ranked 2nd for 'coldest place in the world', after Siberia. -46, said the Weather Lady - without the windshield factor. This is where I'm headed to tomorrow.

"You're going to do a piece on the great, white, Canadian North for the National Geographic." This is what I've been telling myself to convince...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.