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New Year's Eve Blackout

03 January 2010

Posted by crazysanegirl

Normally this wouldn't have made it onto the blog but best friend died in September and I have no one to share it with. I have other friends but not the kind I feel comfortable with talking about things like this - stupid things you did with some guy you didn't know.

I've never slept around. Stupid things I've done in the past...

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Dad

29 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

Dad reads moms in my words
His mom; my mom
Looks for key-word accusations
Reconstructs sentences to make them say what moms think.

Sigh.

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Leaving for Edmonton

21 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

Last Sunday, Edmonton ranked 2nd for 'coldest place in the world', after Siberia. -46, said the Weather Lady - without the windshield factor. This is where I'm headed to tomorrow.

"You're going to do a piece on the great, white, Canadian North for the National Geographic." This is what I've been telling myself...

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Rejection

15 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

Can't get rejected. Can't get rejected. That's what I was thinking about, some time around 1995, right before knocking at the door of that motel room.

My room-mate and I had seen the ad. Actually, I'm the one who showed it to her. Look! 70$ an hour to become an escort!

I remember the discussion. I...

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Well looky here, we have a trigger

14 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

I've seen a lot of people talk about their 'triggers' here. Although I understand what a trigger is at an intellectual level, I never quite understood what that meant at a person level. What's my trigger? I figured it was 'being in the same space as a man' since it makes me space out almost every time. Well, if...

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Cardinal owns Sparrow

14 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

I rarely have cool dreams anymore. There was a time when it seemed I vividly dreamt every other night. I had a dream book next to the bed where I used to write the scenarios down; sometimes, draw them. The book is still there but the dreams are gone. Or, on the rare occasions I've had them in the last few months, I haven't felt like...

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Olympian

12 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

I'm seeing myself again. I was writing thoughts down; toying with an introduction for my paper. I came up with a title. I saw the winning thesis that followed, for a moment. The spark.

Olympians are trained to see themselves winning the medal. I finally understand why. When you see the gold, you can also better visualize the way to get...

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Misc.

11 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

Miscellaneous thoughts:

- I miss dad. I have too much pride to apologize again. I didn't do anything requiring apologizing. Dad has more pride.

- As much as I hate Isabelle being gone, she couldn't have helped me solve my dilemma any better than if she were still here. We'd have gotten drunk and I'd wake up tomorrow still...

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Stepping up

10 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

I've been whining a lot. Whining about money, whining about not being where I should be right now. I should be at this point in my life; I should be done my masters, I should have a job, I should have a boyfriend and a pretty white-picket house. Ok, well maybe not the last two.

Whining is always about comparison. Most other people have...

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Money

09 December 2009

Posted by crazysanegirl

My parents had gotten divorced. My dad was in the military and he was kinda pissed that mom was the one who served him the papers. So he moved me as far away from her as possible: to Montreal. He gave me a choice. He could get transferred to either Montreal or Ottawa. I don't remember why I chose former but I remember he said the choices were...

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