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lizzie likes this

10 000$

22 July 2011
Posted by crazysanegirl  
In three months, I saved 10 000$. Three months long ago; three months now. Three months of whoring; three months in a government job. I'm quiting the government job because I've never more felt like a whore.

I think it was 2006. I had a eureka - why don't you become a courtisane? I posted an ad on an escort review...
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Posted by crazysanegirl  
I've always said I did it for the thrill. The thrill of dressing for the part. The thrill of getting my audience on the edge of its seat - literally. The thrill of control. The thrill of being the best thing your 200$ an hour could buy. When I used to describe it to Mrs. E, I would compact whole conversations with hundreds of them in...
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Rage: some definitions

29 January 2011
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Rage. From 0 to 100 in the click of a mouse. At the end of Google News search for my best friend's name. Best friend. I always have to insist on the best part of it, which is the worse part of it.

Her. The best friend who's dead. The best famous friend who'll never die on Google News.

Rage is a lion within me that will attack...
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Tea's a charm, take 2

10 January 2011
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Tea's a fraud I'd like to indulge in. It's not like it would be illegal or anything. It would just be a fake-fraud. It's just that me drinking tea instead of typing away here wouldn't be me. Me is self-destruct. So...I'm a double fraud? Either that's a worse kind of fraud, or a fraud that cancels itself out. I...
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Three minus one's a charm

10 January 2011
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Let's go for two - two entries in a row: a charm. Yup, because two is three minus one. Ok, so I'm a cheat. But I'm allowed. It's my blog and my fucked up perceptions. I can have my cake and eat it too. My rules.

I can do three minus one. It's been what, over a year? And you know, I've got to talk. You can tell...
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Tea's a fraud

10 January 2011
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Wow, it's been a while. Sometimes you just don't feel like talking. Or you post things and save as drafts. Lots of drafts on this blog. Don't want to read them over. Time for a new post. A publish-it-even-if-you-don't-feel-like, new post.

In real life, real-life entries have been less drafty. I actually did graduate. I...
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Worried

11 July 2010
Posted by crazysanegirl  
There's a fine line between genious and insanity. I'm worried. Sometimes I think the beautiful ideas I have and people say I have are actually sirens' songs guiding me toward my own end. I'm tired.

Other times, I remember my dear, deceased best friend's definition of insanity: if you think you're nuts, you aren't...
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confronted

27 March 2010
Posted by crazysanegirl  
So I did it. I wrote a masters thesis. I did it despite my best friend death. It gave me strength. Rage. I did it in spite of the emotional trauma I have lived as a result of my prostitution. I didn't become that statistic that says I should be hooking for drugs - or dead.

Actually, the sad thing is I am a statistic. The what %...
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Isa

24 March 2010
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Si l'univers est connecté, tu reçois ce message.

Isa,

À écrire ton nom, un frisson. Je ne sais pas si c'est toi, ou si c'est mon cerveau qui me joue des tours - ou les deux.

Je veux que tu saches... Oh tu le sais. Dis que tu le savais.

Que je t'ai toujours aimé. On s'est aimé aussi fort, mal mais fort.

Tu le sais aussi,...
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A word

22 March 2010
Posted by crazysanegirl  
A word.

Done.

I need to say more. Passed by a few times. Posted. Clicked 'draft'. Left.

I've been out of words because of Isa but also because they're all being used up in my thesis. 4 pages away. 4 pages away from what I thought was impossible. I'm tired but proud.

At the same time, anxiety. Worries about old...
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