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lizzie likes this

Bumpy smooth ride

17 December 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Things are a bit chaotic right now. Ideas shuffling quickly --find new apartment, rent out this one, figure out a way to move, possibly buy a car, find boxes, call about this and that, cancel bills, rent out this apartment furnished or unfurnished, don't know.

Moving to Matane in North-Eastern Quebec. Back to the ocean... Moving to Matane in...
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Flashbacks

07 December 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I just had a flashback of an accident I had last winter. I was headed to my aunt's for Christmas dinner; I'd never been there before, it was at night and there was a snow storm, I didn't see the curve. I tried to break but nothing happened. I just slid... right on to a telephone pole. Then, black.

The flashback stops. I try to...
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I guess it worked

28 November 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Saying it out loud. Stopping myself mid-way. Posting here. Sharing feelings.

I never ever talk about my feelings. I'm afraid of them. They are overwhelming.

I didn't send the email to the client.

I know what's good for me.



In other news, my best friend ditched me. I sent her that one email too much and she told me...
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Posted by crazysanegirl  
Coming clean post. I did it again. The time between times gets longer and longer though... At least there's that that's positive.

I think the last time was in 2009. And then, one month ago.

I didn't do it for the same reason I did it the other times. Something didn't come over me - something came over me other times when...
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I need to cool it down

10 November 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Stop taking everything so seriously.
Stop seeing everything you do as bad, irresponsible, immature, misguided.
You're doing the best that you can with what you have.
So you have issues; like a drug addict sometimes you fail, you go back to it.
So fucking what?
You don't need to pray while it's happening.
You don't need to pray...
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I did it again

09 November 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Mrs. E said maybe it didn't have to do with control.

"Maybe you need to be in the role of the victim."

Victim? Me? No, I do it because I get pleasure out of controling them! Escort, I mean. Courtisane. Whore. Whatever. I did it again. Well, there's a story behind it but I haven't told Mrs. E.

The story is that...
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living like one year

17 April 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
I put 2 things in the living like one year left to live list. One: enough with the people who tell me I'm not listening when they're so stuck in their way of seeing that they can't see from any other perspective.

Dinner invite that turns sour. Wouldn't be the first time. Male friend. Not even my friend but the friend of my...
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Talk

07 April 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
Talk. Freestyle. Get it out.

Stress.

That's all I can think of.

Last night too, but I fell into classical music. Like literally. Hard to explain, but I was able to breathe. Craving for smoke, alcohol, whatever destroys me, gone. I sat for a while. Tried that meditation thing I've wished I could do for so long. Worked. I think. ...
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Posted by crazysanegirl  
Edit: *T* for suicide talk, images.



I recently started seeing my T. again after being away six months at the end of the world. Toward the end of my stay there, I'd emailed to ask if we could pick it up where we'd left it off. By phone. I didn't know if she'd ever done it that way. I could sit on my couch if she wanted and...
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Borderline/prostitution

03 April 2012
Posted by crazysanegirl  
That was the title of the email I sent. To a borderline specialist. I googled "borderline" and "Montreal" and somehow ended up on her practice's website.

Ok, so what do you know about prostitution?

I've been in the health system for the last 18 years. I came in at 17, I'm 35 today. If I had a dollar for every...
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