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I never ever talk about my feelings. I'm afraid of them. They are overwhelming.
I didn't send the email to the client.
I know what's good for me.
In other news, my best friend ditched me. I sent her that one email too much and she told me she'd had enough.
I've started tutoring. It will give me 100$ a week. I can survive with that.
I don't like the fact that it's under the table, but hey, I'm in a shit situation.
I'm happy about my friend. It reminded me about my other friend - the one who hung herself. My first best friend before the new best friend who ditched me. She'd sent me off with a drug dealer when I'd clearly told her I was going to kill myself. L., the new ex-best blasted me over an email I'd just entitled "everything is falling apart". Nothing in the body. When I read her telling me off, I thought back to Isabelle and how in her five-word email I figured out she needed help - too late.
So I'm happy because I know I'm normal.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes." - William Gibson