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- I miss dad. I have too much pride to apologize again. I didn't do anything requiring apologizing. Dad has more pride.
- As much as I hate Isabelle being gone, she couldn't have helped me solve my dilemma any better than if she were still here. We'd have gotten drunk and I'd wake up tomorrow still feeling like a dead-beat. 'Addressing my problem' would still be at the end of the to-do list.
- I currently don't feel like a dead-beat. Almost 24 hours! I actually put some thought in my thesis today and got kind of excited (ok, a lot).
- Maybe writing the last entry helped. Maybe just speaking it is one step closer to making it happen.
- I see can see myself kicking ass defending my thesis... I caught myself minding myself, like an olympian, to win, today.
- The dreamer.
- BUT (sabotage just putting in a word):
- Once I win, what's next?
I know that that last point is related to the 'finding my will' point mentionned in the previous blog entry. Just like it took me an extra year to graduate from the BA, because I kept justifying dropping classes on the basis that I might fail them, but really, because I was afraid of what came next, the reason I haven't been working on/finished my thesis has a lot to do more to do with my fear of the unknown than my fear of failure.
When the hell did I get to be such a wuss for adventure? I've done crazier things in life. Like leaving my boyfriend/pimp/agency owner of 3 years to go back to university.