My memories are blurred. Period. Sometimes I find myself questioning whether what I remember is what really happened. There are times when I wish what I remember isn't true, that it didn't happen that way. Because if it didn't happen that way, it's not as bad. E believing me and telling me that it is SA, it validates me. Likewise, me reading about SA validates me. I read it and I think, woah. That is what happened with me. And it hurts to think that it is SA. Hurts to think that someone so close to me, someone I trusted in some of my darkest hours, would even consider doing this to me, let alone actually doing it. I don't like it. I wish the pain would go away. I wish I could turn back time and change what happened.
I seriously can not deal with what happened. I find myself in tears all the time. I think before, I felt unjustified feeling the way I did. I felt like I was overreacting and had no right to feel like that and felt trapped within my emotions. Now I feel different. I know I have a right to feel the way I do. I feel validated, by E's response, people here's response and also reading about it for myself. I don't know how to deal with these feelings.