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some good advice :)

Posted by tamz , 04 May 2010 · 24 views

Some good advice. When I posted (on another site) about what happened, my first reaction to one persons response was; well you're a great help aren't you! That's rubbish advice! But then, when I thought about it further I realised that actually, it was amazing advice. And the advice was this: well, what do you think? If your best friend told you this, what would you say to her?
And I can answer that question completely honestly. I can't believe I forgot about this, but someone actually told me about their sexual abuse before. I felt horrified by the fact that this guy could do this to him. It was someone he trusted, someone he worked with. I felt really bad about what he had been through. He blamed himself and didn't want to tell me because he wanted to protect me. I didn't judge him. I was glad he told me. I basically had to force the information out of him. He wasn't the kind of person to share his feelings, liked to keep it to himself and found it hard to express himself. I knew something was wrong with him and kept pressuring him to tell me. It was wrong, I know, I shouldn't have done it. But he's glad he told me, I am the only person that knows. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do. In one sense I wish I hadn't pressurised him because I now understand how hard it is to talk about that kind of issue. There are times when people keep asking me what is wrong and I wish they would just leave it. But at other times, I'm glad I did keep on about it because he wouldn't have told me otherwise and sometimes I wish people would keep on at me, so then I would tell them, if that makes any sense at all. But when I thought about how I felt with him, I wanted to protect him, to hug him when he was crying. I was glad that he had told me, whilst I couldn't possibly understand what he had gone through, I was happy he felt he could confide in me (even if it was eventually).
Even after all that, I still feel like no one wants to know what happened to me. Isn't it weird how we all know that if it was our best friend, we would want to be there for them, but when it is ourselves, we always feel like no one cares.

content warning

I will try to keep any reference to specific SI behaviour to a minimum however reference to the assault will not always be censored. I don't want to trigger anyone so just want you to be warned. Most of the time it will be okay but just so you are aware. Take gentle care.

June 2015

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