why tell anyone?

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why tell anyone?

03 May 2010

Posted by tamz

First of all, if anyone reads this, I would just like to say I do not mean it offensively. It is perfectly understandable to want to share your story, it's just a personal issue at the moment that I need to write about. I am deeply apologetic if this offends anyone, it is not my intentions.
So anyway, back to the blog:
Why? It's all I keep asking myself at the moment. Why do we feel so bothered by what has happened. I know what has happened is wrong, but why? I just can't seem to comprehend it at the moment. Yes, it is a huge violation of our trust but should it really make us feel like complete sh*te? And if I can't understand what it is that's bothering me, how am I supposed to tell anybody else. And what is it with this telling everyone else thing? Why does everyone always feel the need to share everything. Me included. I want so badly to tell my best friend or my mum what happened, what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. But why would I, it's not like it's there problem, it's not like it's happened to them. What's the point anyway? Do they really need to know? It doesn't change what has happened, nothing can, so what is the point. Thing is, if there was something upsetting him (my best friend that is), or bothering him, I would want to know about it. I would want to be there for him in whatever why I could, whether that be as someone to listen, someone to hold him when he's crying, or just someone to be there. So why is it that I feel like no one else would want to know or would care about what it is that's bothering me? Why? The main question to life issues...

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4 Comments On This Entry

Thats how I feel too, yet I get that urge to tell someone, anyone... yet at the same time I dont want them to know, because why would they want to hear it? Or what if they had nothing to say?

I dont know why we feel this way, I guess its because we - or I anyway - want someone to share in the knowledge of whats happened and not have to keep it all between ourselves and our assaulters. So it dosent feel so lonely or frightening. I'm not sure. I guess like a scary creek in the house that isnt so scary when you have others around? if that makes any sense. I'm not sure either.

unlisted2010, 03 May 2010 - 03:21 PM

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I completely understand what you mean. I told two of my best friends and they threw it in my face. I hadn't told anyone since, until recenly (like...friday?) I posted my story because I felt like I needed to talk about it.
Like you, I also want to tell my mom but she herself is a survivor and I'm honestly afraid of what she would do if she found out someone attempted to 'hurt' me.
It's hard but i've realized that talking to people who have gone through the same thing and have started their road to recovery really helps and makes me feel like I can do it too.

I hope some of this has helped at least a tiny bit.
Good Luck!
:hug:

Maeg

shootingstar2010, 03 May 2010 - 05:06 PM

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I feel very much the same way as well....part of me can't even comprehend why it is so wrong. I run through it in my head and try to figure it out and kind of end up rationalizing it for him. But at the same time I feel like crap about it. It's a pretty confusing issue all around I think. It helps to know that someone else is feeling along the same lines as me though, makes me feel less abnormal

brokenandmending, 03 May 2010 - 10:20 PM

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Thanks for the replies everyone. Although it is hard to think there are so many other people who are going through the same thing, it helps to know I am not alone. I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Thanks

if okay

tamz, 04 May 2010 - 12:16 PM

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content warning

I will try to keep any reference to specific SI behaviour to a minimum however reference to the assault will not always be censored. I don't want to trigger anyone so just want you to be warned. Most of the time it will be okay but just so you are aware. Take gentle care.