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Posted by jenbaroo , 31 March 2010 · 11 views

Do any of you know the song "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia? You know the one: "Nothing's fine, I'm torn / I'm all out of faith / this is how I feel / I'm cold and I am shamed / lying naked on the floor / illusion never changed / into something real / I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn / You're a little late / I'm already torn." In the last chorus, instead of saying "lying naked on the floor", she says "bound and broken on the floor". That's how I'm feeling tonight: torn. Torn, bound, broken, curled up on the floor, wishing the illusions were real. Wishing people were trustworthy.

Then there's also the song by Creed called "One Last Breath." That's one that makes me sob every time I try to sing it: "Please come now, I think I'm falling, holding on to what I think is safe..... I yelled back when I heard thunder, but I'm down to one last breath, and with it let me say: hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking -- maybe six feet ain't so far down..." It seems like I can ALWAYS relate. Six feet doesn't seem very far. Creed also has a song about a girl who's been sexually assaulted, called "Wash Away Those Years". I remember the first time I heard it. My whole body went numb. It still goes numb, then gets hit by this searing pain: "she whispers softly to tell her story about how she had been robbed."

I WAS ROBBED! I WAS ROOOOOBBBBBEEEED! I was robbed of my innocence! I was robbed of the childhood I was supposed to be able to have! I was robbed of my trusting nature! I was robbed of my security, my sense of self, my confidence... I was robbed, and the perpetrator will never see justice. That infuriates me to no end.

I have been torn, I have been robbed, and six feet doesn't seem so far down right now.

September 2014

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