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I am 25 years old, sometimes feeling like I'm going on 80 with how much my body and mind hurt. Today is a good day -- I only feel 50. :huh:/> I am also a new mom. I got married when I was 20, and we had miscarriage after miscarriage, so I have guilt over those as well as over my abuse. Always asking myself what I could have/should have done differently to change the outcomes. We now have a beautiful son, though, who is healthy and happy, and only cries when he needs something. I feel very blessed.
So why can't I feel completely happy? Why do I feel beaten down and bruised? Why do I feel like I can never get past my abuse? The nightmares are constant, and if I don't cry out in my sleep, my husband can't wake me up. I actually just woke up from a "daymare" screaming. I'm lucky I didn't wake up my son. I was able to reach my husband, and he calmed me down, reminded me that everything is ok, that he's here for me, that I have a sedative I can take when I get this freaked out. I don't want to have to live like this, but what's the alternative?
I feel sick to my stomach every time I eat these days. I don't know if it's emotional, or what. Not fun.
4 Comments On This Entry
on Dec 10 2012 02:59 AM
it's been a while...
on Dec 11 2010 10:29 PM
on May 02 2010 08:50 AM
this will probably trigger, but is important to me
on May 02 2010 08:22 AM
on Apr 25 2010 09:29 AM