Pandora's Aquarium: =( - Pandora's Aquarium

So i havent been on here in awhile and i feel bad to blow up but i don't know what to do. Thid is part of my story i would say...i told, almost two years ago and was placed in foster care right after i told. Since that day i have been waiting for the trial against my dad to begin. the trial finally took place on october 4, 2010. I was expecting me to feel all better after i testified against my dad but im not. I'm sitting here half drunk depresed and so hurt that i dont know how much more i can handle. I am tierd of hurting. i feel like a failure. I am starting to not even care about school anymore and its my senior year. Ive worked my butt of in school since i was a litle girl and what does that mean now?...nothing. My family thinks i told because i am just after my dads money and that im a spoiled bitch. My god father came up and said im a worthless piece of shit who was never part of the family..i always felt weird going to family parties and all since i was a litle kid and this comment finally made it legit. I was adopted when i was a baby and then the family that adopted me was the one i was put in foster care for. I am now in foster care and 18 and i dont even know where to start. It kind of sucks knowing that the only reason you were adopted was for sex, it hurts so much. The first time i remember anything happening was when i was 6 i was in a hotel with him and so much happened. I keep having this weird flashback of a warehouse and i dont want to know what it is suppose to mean but i keep getting moer and more pieces together of it..i think that was were he took me for abortion :cry: :cry: :cry: f***ah i dont know what to do. i dont want to remeber anymore DOESNT GOING THROUHG IT MEAN ENOUGH!!! i don;t get why god is doingthis to me! what have a done wrong? why does he keep hurting me? i want to be okay for once..im so depresed frick i want to be okay!!!