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Dibella2 and piper847 like this
Posted by Dibella2  
This past year has been very strange. I've been dealing with a lot and I haven't checked my account since last November. I didn't realize it has been that long. I had a few emails sent to me with well wishes and birthday wishes from last year. Thank you to those that sent them.

My last blog was about one abuser's wife passing...
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Have the planets aligned?

10 October 2011
Posted by Dibella2  
What is happening? First, one abusers wife passes and now another abuser is in the hospital stricken with a staph infection from a knee implant a few years ago. Although I believe he is going to make it, he is not doing very well. His kidneys are not functioning properly and he has no knee. I'm wondering if anything is going on with my...
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PTSD (again?)

17 August 2011
Posted by Dibella2  
I went to my first counseling session today with a counselor I had about 4 years ago. I really liked her, but she ended up leaving for maternity leave and then she left the company I was seeing her at and she left to work for another company that is about a half hour away. I broke down and decided to make the drive.

We went over some things...
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Good days - Bad days

07 August 2011
Posted by Dibella2  
Today was a good day. Thank you, God. Today I did not cry, I haven't yet had a chance to dwell on anything. Yesterday was not a good day. Yesterday was a very bad day. I cried most of the day. I got into a huge argument with my fiance ..... over nothing. I told him I was leaving and moving out. Drama. Would that help me?

I'm so...
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Struggling

12 June 2011
Posted by Dibella2  
With everything going on in my life these days, I find myself really struggling to keep my head above water. I think about suicide every single day at almost every single minute, but can't think of a way to pull it off without hurting my girls. I had a nightmare last night that the end of the world came. It was a huge fireball and all the...
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Will it ever end?

23 February 2011
Posted by Dibella2  
I have a step-sister who I once thought I had a close relationship with. She is the one who remarried and her new husband was video taping her daughter in the bathroom and in the daughter's bedroom. She immediately divorced him and got a restraining order on him. Apparently, I was wrong about our relationship. I was on facebook the other...
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Posted by Dibella2  
In the big scheme of things - in our journey we call "life" - what is "just" and what is "fair"?

Every day I pray to God to take me out of my misery. Every day I wake up and wonder why am I still here? I must have a reason for Him still making me be here. Is that "just" or is that "fair"?

I...
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Posted by Dibella2  
Today - 2 days before Thanksgiving - I want to ask you all if you are happy with outcasting me? Whether it was intentionally or unintentional.

I'm wondering how it feels to go about your lives like nothing happened or that I and my dirty secret doesn't exist? I'm wondering what you're planning for Thanksgiving while I'm...
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My Letter to My Family

11 November 2010
Posted by Dibella2  
Dear Family,

I want to write to you and tell you how I feel. Since this has really never been done, I feel the time has come.

Mom, I know you are hurt that I refuse to attend any family functions where my brothers (my abusers) are present. Imagine the hurt I feel that you don't (or have not) cared about my feelings. Imagine how I felt...
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Posted by Dibella2  
and sometimes I wonder why I put myself through the things I do. A cousin of mine friended me on FB last week. We were friends at first, but then she ended up friending my abuser(s), so I took her off. With her request she asked if we were friends before because she thought so and realized I wasn't on her list anymore. I told her we were...
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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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