Pandora's Aquarium: The beginning of life Uncensored Chapter one - Pandora's Aquarium

I have seen many pictures of myself prior to age 4 before my life in hell began. I have heard my relatives talking about me during this time. it is like they are speaking of someone else's cute adorable little girl. The pictures show a happy pretty blonde big brown eyed girl. They say I was a good little girl. I entertained myself and played quietly. I still have the quiet qualities and I do fine entertaining myself. I am also fine around people but rather like being an introvert. I was shy most of my life. I am not shy now. So the pictures and the words do not feel like they were me.

My parents met when my mother was 15 and dad was 18. My dad's father farmed my mother's mother wheat land. My grandmothers becamce friends and remained so for all of their lives.

Now for a little background history.

My mother's mother who I always called Gram was one tough bird. She was bossy and spoke her mind whether you liked it or not. She played a big part of my life and I consider her my hero even though she did mean things to others but never to me as I was her favorite. Unfortunately so did everyone else. She was married 5 times and in the last of her days of being single she did not have much good to say about men,

Gram's first husband was a terrible alcoholic and I think abusive. They had one son, my Uncle Merle. He is 15 years older than my mother. He was rough and gruff. He was a Sargent in the Army and went to Korea. I was afraid of him. He, like his father was an alcoholic and very loud and testy. My Gram divorced this husband.

Gram's second husband was even a worse alcoholic and meaner and more abusive. He pushed her down a flight of stairs when she was 8 months pregnant with their son Richard. Richard was born early and severly retarded. Gram divorced this husband. She tried very hard to raise both of her sons alone but Richard took constant care. She finally placed him in a home for the severly handicapped. In the beginning she visited him regularly but he did not even know her. He just was not aware. She was heart broken and rarely spoke of him and when she did she would cry. She stopped going to see him.

Gram's third husband was my grandfather. He was much older than her and he was well off. His first wife and a son died. He had another son. He was 63 when my mom was born. When my mom was only 3 years old he went into their barn on the ranch and shot himself in the head with a shotgun. My Uncle Merle who was 18 then found him. He lost all his money in the stock market crash in the great depression. He left Gram in quite a mess financially and she grieved his loss as well as being angry that he left her in a mess and a three year old to take care of and raise.

Gram's fourth husband she got rid of within the week they were married. She had it annulled. This man had more than 7 children. I often wonder what was she thinking????? Anyway she found her groom on their wedding night with an old girlfriend. Done deal.

Gram's 5th and last husband was good to my mother. His name was Les and he and Gram were very happy together and much in love. One of his horses spooked while he was plowing his field. The horse pulled in front of the blades then pulled the blade over him. He was chopped up. Gram grieved terribly and she never married again even though she had a few proposals after that. She kept Les's last name til she died.

My Gram was a good business woman. She held onto some properties of my Grandfathers. One was the wheat land. Another she made into a dress shop and another was a grocery store. My Gram and mother lived above the grocery store. She was able to provide piano and voice lessons and send my mother to nurses training. Back then nurses training took 4 years, they lived in a dorm and was a student nurse in a teaching hospital. My mother graduated nurses training pregnant with me.

My mother and father were married in a double ceremony with my dad's brother and his bride at the end of january and I was born mid August. My mother graduated from nurses training in May. My sister was born 13 months later. She also was not planned. My dad's father did not believe I was dad's child. I was blonde and brown eyed. My mother had black hair and blue eyes. My dad had dark brown hair and hazel eyes. My sister had/has black hair and blue eyes. Only my mother would know for sure. Dad does have one sister with lighter brown hair and his other sister did have brown eyes. So who knows. Dad treated me like his princess at least that is what the pictures show.

My Gram took care of me then also my sister while my parents worked. My sister was not as easy to care for as I was.

Well all this happiness ended when I was 4 years old and it is my earliest memory that I thought was a nightmare for many years. The memory is still vivid for me. my dad holding me in his arms. We are in a house between the livingroom and kitchen. It appeared the kitchen floor was dirt. I was crying and my dad was crying and holding me tight. My mother is screaming at my dad. I was scared. My mother finally validated this nightmare as real by the discription of the kitchen floor. Dad was relaying a floor in there so it was dirt at that time.

When an adult my mother told me she left dad cuz he drank too much and he did not bathe everyday. The second time she married him it was the same way. So she lies.
She left my dad for a man that was in the Navy with my dad. This man rarely drank and he bathed everyday sometimes twice a day. I entered Hell.

End of Chapter one.