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bellachai's Blog



Posted by bellachai , 02 August 2010 · 69 views

I read this today: "Forgiveness is memories remembered without pain, anger or resentment".

I admit I have not ever thought of forgiveness as the above definition. What it seems to tell me is that once you feel indifferent to the abuse endured that you are in the state of forgiveness.

What is wrong with not forgiving such horror as I have end...



Posted by bellachai , 02 August 2010 · 70 views

Each time in the last week I have come here to blog my mind goes blank even though I have managed to blog a few times. I know it is due to anger and rage. I was taught these are bad emtions and you do not express them ever in any way. Only abusive people get angry is the belief I have had forever. I am not an abusive person therefore do not get angry....


Musical chairs

Posted by bellachai , 01 August 2010 · 70 views

Ever play this game as a child? I had a flashback of playing this game and I did not like it and I never won. This is how I am viewing my life. Wandering around in circles while there is awful music playing and when it stops I feel relief and try to sit and rest awhile but there is no chair for me everytime and everyone is laughing because once again I...


Life in the Loud Lane

Posted by bellachai , 30 July 2010 · 68 views

I feel gross tonight. I am so hot. It is after midnight and the cooler is on yet the sweat is just pouring off of me from my head and neck. I am bloated and tired yet I cannot sleep.

I did very little today. Somewhat depressed and annoyed.

Months ago my daughters boyfriend, fake jake got a moving violation ticket. To most everyone it is fairly mino...



Posted by bellachai , 29 July 2010 · 89 views

It is strange when you spend your entire life trying not hurt anyone in anyway, always taking care of everyone and their needs and wants and sacrificing who you are then switch to trying to find out who you really are by going to therapy and doing things to help yourself to becoming whole, true to yourself and achieve wellbeing on so many levels to discov...


electricity is grand

Posted by bellachai , 28 July 2010 · 71 views

My little town had a transformer blow yesterday in which the entire town had no electricity for over two hours then as they repaired this the electricity kept going on and off. I gave up trying to be on the internet.

My mother picked me up yesterday and took me to breakfast. Spending time with my mother is always an experience and often not entirely pl...



Posted by bellachai , 25 July 2010 · 99 views

I was thinking that I could belong to so many communities:


I could be in a COPD community.
I could be in a depression community
I could be in a wieght watchers community
I could be in a meopause community
I could be in a GERDS community
I could be in a fibromylasia community
I could be in an...


Strange day

Posted by bellachai , 23 July 2010 · 75 views

Yep odd occurances today.

I met up with my parents this morning at Dad's doctor appointment for his back. Dr. told him his lifting anything days are over for the rest of his life. He hasn't any discs left. No wonder he walks kind of crooked. It is all those years of lifting cement panels. Anyway mom gave me some veggies from their garden; zu...


Dances in my head

Posted by bellachai , 22 July 2010 · 49 views

How do we accept the unacceptable?


Wow I just don't get it

Posted by bellachai , 22 July 2010 · 70 views

why can't I have more than one good day in a row without any adversity or pain? I don't get it.

Why can't I keep treating others as I would want to be treated and it not become a boundry issue? I don't get it.

Why do I feel guilty about everything that is not even in my control like being disabled? I don't get it.

Why do I have t...

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