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bellachai's Blog


Singing the blues

Posted by bellachai , 17 September 2010 · 68 views

It has been a rough week. I haven't blogged this week as it would have been nothing but whinning and complaints.

I am even beyond crying with worry and depression. It has been difficult to stay focused on the things I can be grateful for like having a roof over my head, maybe not all my meds but most of them, my pets, electricity, internet and what...


From 'The Moth'

Posted by bellachai , 13 September 2010 · 66 views

"If I were to speake the truth I would say I have never known what it is to be really happy. There are so many grades of happiness; the little I know of it has always been threaded with pain." Catherine Cookson

Blessings to all



Posted by bellachai , 12 September 2010 · 57 views

I just read an article in which it stated that in 1968 44 of the 50 states finally had mandatory laws in place requiring medical personell to report suspected child abuse, sexual or otherwise. I have no idea if Colorado was one of those states, not that it matters since my mother left Colorado and the evil stepfathr in 1969 and not because he was abusing...



Posted by bellachai , 10 September 2010 · 85 views

Please forgive any typing errors. I just returned from my mother's birthday gift to me; an eye appointment and my eyes are still slightly dialated. Even with all the drugs I take that can affect my eyesight, my eyes are healthy. I am a wierdo though as I have one farsighted eye and one nearsighted eye. My nearsighted eye actually improved but my fa...



Posted by bellachai , 09 September 2010 · 40 views

I just read this in a book by Catherine Cookson: 'All things in life worthwhile are trials". For many of us there has been so many trials and yet we survived. Lucky us. Abuse in any form is a sin against us the survivors. It is a crime of hate and resentment. Perhaps we were chosen because of our specialness out of jealousy, resentment and/or...


Labor Day

Posted by bellachai , 06 September 2010 · 61 views

A holiday for working people to take a rest. I, however got off my ass and did some housework and now need a rest not that I did much.

Yesterday my daughter was telling her boyfriend that she cannot believe how much I use to do; two jobs, all the shopping, all the cooking and I cleaned my house in record time and still made sure I attended all their sch...


What is the right thing?

Posted by bellachai , 05 September 2010 · 83 views

Why do I have to ask for help when I am not the one creating the mess? Why do I have to ask for those in my life to do the right thing? Or is it me not being right? Why do I have to set boundries and be the bad guy when they know what the right thing is. I avoid being the bad guy because my stupid heart and mind equates it to being punished, rejected,...



Posted by bellachai , 02 September 2010 · 86 views

My last session in therapy has left me with so much food for thought that it is all fragmented in regards to irrational thinking.


*Good people do not choose other good people.
*Opposites attract.
*Want to fix the other.
*Sameness is boring.
*Tame the shrew even knowing that a shrew cannot be tamed.
*Self destructive
*Not deserving...


Oh mother of mine

Posted by bellachai , 01 September 2010 · 60 views

I had lunch with my mother yesterday after I had therapy. I was not looking forward to either event so thought I would get both over with in one day. Both events set my analytical mind to such hard work I was up all night with my overthinkingness.

My mother brought me broccoli, zuccini and cucumbers from her garden. Yum.

She had been up to the doctor...


Strange assignment

Posted by bellachai , 31 August 2010 · 43 views

I discussed my feelings of being stuck in therapy today. I described it as I did here in an earlier blog. Of being in a dark round room with locked doors all around. How I know I only have strength to get one open but I do not know which door to try. My way is not clear.

As soon as I shared this imagery she assigned me homework. I was to watch the v...

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