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bellachai's Blog


"I Love You"

Posted by bellachai , 25 September 2010 · 11 views


:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

The phrase "I love you" is overused and overrated with very little understanding. Perhaps everyone writes their own definition and use it accordingly.


This burns

Posted by bellachai , 25 September 2010 · 12 views

How many times does one reach out only to be burned before the whole hand and arm get burned off or worse that the heart and soul burst in flames and burn until there is nothing left but ashes.

The past weeks have been so exhausting to me. The hearing for dissability seems as if it just wasted all my energy just to have to wait some more and be on pins...


It just doesn't add up

Posted by bellachai , 22 September 2010 · 8 views

Does being physically disabled and having severe depression automatically make you stupid?

Has anyone known anyone who has found money just laying on the ground three times in one year plus finding money in a pants pocket twice in the same year? Me neither so my daughter and her boyfriend must be the luckiest couple in town.

After my daughter verbally...



Posted by bellachai , 22 September 2010 · 12 views

I survived the Social Security hearing but alas I now have to wait another 3 to 6 weeks for the judges decision. My advocate states he thought it went well. I am not so sure about that. The whole thing felt surreal. I have met my adovcate once before (I had a lawyer who retired and this advocate is his father who does nothing else but social security...


The flood gates have opened

Posted by bellachai , 19 September 2010 · 14 views

I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep. I dreamed of crying. I cried when I woke and on and off since. I cannot seem to stop. I am listening to music with head phones to tune out everyone.

The apology that I received for yesterday's drama was a sandwich and them staying in the livingroom. Sad

I think of all the things I sacrificed to rais...


Hysterical laughter/crying

Posted by bellachai , 18 September 2010 · 24 views

Well today is ruined sort of. I have gotten up to being verbally attacked and everyone being angry with me because "it is all my fault. I do nothing. And I do not care." Okay well why not let the blame lay on me. It isn't like severe depression or fibromylasia and all the other things plaguing me are dibilitating in any way. It must be th...


Singing the blues

Posted by bellachai , 17 September 2010 · 14 views

It has been a rough week. I haven't blogged this week as it would have been nothing but whinning and complaints.

I am even beyond crying with worry and depression. It has been difficult to stay focused on the things I can be grateful for like having a roof over my head, maybe not all my meds but most of them, my pets, electricity, internet and what...


From 'The Moth'

Posted by bellachai , 13 September 2010 · 11 views

"If I were to speake the truth I would say I have never known what it is to be really happy. There are so many grades of happiness; the little I know of it has always been threaded with pain." Catherine Cookson

Blessings to all



Posted by bellachai , 12 September 2010 · 9 views

I just read an article in which it stated that in 1968 44 of the 50 states finally had mandatory laws in place requiring medical personell to report suspected child abuse, sexual or otherwise. I have no idea if Colorado was one of those states, not that it matters since my mother left Colorado and the evil stepfathr in 1969 and not because he was abusing...



Posted by bellachai , 10 September 2010 · 15 views

Please forgive any typing errors. I just returned from my mother's birthday gift to me; an eye appointment and my eyes are still slightly dialated. Even with all the drugs I take that can affect my eyesight, my eyes are healthy. I am a wierdo though as I have one farsighted eye and one nearsighted eye. My nearsighted eye actually improved but my fa...

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