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bellachai's Blog


Simple Pleasures

Posted by bellachai , 30 September 2010 · 82 views

Received a child support check today. Yahoo I get to eat. It was pretty slim pickings. Having a pepperoni white pizza, a diet pepsi and chocolate today and am very content. I have always been a cheap date. LOL Now if only I could be by the ocean just my cats and me.



A Happy Place

Posted by bellachai , 30 September 2010 · 55 views

I have been reading everyone's blogs and it seems as if most of us in the last day or two are overly tired physically and emoionally. We all are in the depths of depression. It isn't even a full moon.

Sometimes just to escape for awhile from the struggling and pain I visualize one of my happy places. I find it most helpful when I am having tro...


Still Waters

Posted by bellachai , 29 September 2010 · 90 views

I have spent the last two days mostly in bed. So very tired and weary. When I wake my first thought is why couldn't I just stay asleep. My entire body hurts more than usual. Migraines have been plaguing me. There is no pain in sleep for me.

Part of my problem is that once again I am out of Lyrica. The program I am on says they have not got the...


whose business?

Posted by bellachai , 26 September 2010 · 65 views

My mother asked my daughter if she thought I was better this year or last year. My daughter said last year. My mother tells my daughter that maybe I would be better if she and her boyfriend moved on with their lives together.

It is one thing for those who 'love you' to talk about you behind your back but then have them both tell you about it se...


"I Love You"

Posted by bellachai , 25 September 2010 · 61 views


:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

The phrase "I love you" is overused and overrated with very little understanding. Perhaps everyone writes their own definition and use it accordingly.


This burns

Posted by bellachai , 25 September 2010 · 61 views

How many times does one reach out only to be burned before the whole hand and arm get burned off or worse that the heart and soul burst in flames and burn until there is nothing left but ashes.

The past weeks have been so exhausting to me. The hearing for dissability seems as if it just wasted all my energy just to have to wait some more and be on pins...


It just doesn't add up

Posted by bellachai , 22 September 2010 · 53 views

Does being physically disabled and having severe depression automatically make you stupid?

Has anyone known anyone who has found money just laying on the ground three times in one year plus finding money in a pants pocket twice in the same year? Me neither so my daughter and her boyfriend must be the luckiest couple in town.

After my daughter verbally...



Posted by bellachai , 22 September 2010 · 80 views

I survived the Social Security hearing but alas I now have to wait another 3 to 6 weeks for the judges decision. My advocate states he thought it went well. I am not so sure about that. The whole thing felt surreal. I have met my adovcate once before (I had a lawyer who retired and this advocate is his father who does nothing else but social security...


The flood gates have opened

Posted by bellachai , 19 September 2010 · 67 views

I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep. I dreamed of crying. I cried when I woke and on and off since. I cannot seem to stop. I am listening to music with head phones to tune out everyone.

The apology that I received for yesterday's drama was a sandwich and them staying in the livingroom. Sad

I think of all the things I sacrificed to rais...


Hysterical laughter/crying

Posted by bellachai , 18 September 2010 · 80 views

Well today is ruined sort of. I have gotten up to being verbally attacked and everyone being angry with me because "it is all my fault. I do nothing. And I do not care." Okay well why not let the blame lay on me. It isn't like severe depression or fibromylasia and all the other things plaguing me are dibilitating in any way. It must be th...

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