assests are liabilities
I am literally spinning cuz I have an inner ear infection caused by allergies which is also due to my daughter saying she could not afford antihistamines which I have been out of for over a week and when the spinning started (more about that later) and my money is gone until I get paid this Friday. Anyway sitting, standing, walking and laying down is often interrupted by the room spinning just like being drunk except without the alcohol. I might as well enjoy a cocktail or two as it may help me shed the tears lurking in the back of my throat. Then I could just say I was crying from the world spinning out of control. Which seems as it is.
Ever since my mother tried to kill me cherry picking it has been one thing after another. I know that crap follows crap and that cycle can be broken but it is so difficult lately. Maybe only one or two issues are really worth spinning out of control with anger. IDK as anger seems to be an alien emotion for me, I only know it hurts and want to not feel that way.
To be fair my mother did not intentionally try to kill me. I have to take some blame for not taking into consideration that the cherry orchard's elevation is 3000 feet higher than my home and I should have taken an extra tank of oxygen. The ground was very uneven. It felt like walking in mud up to my waist. I only made it in four trees deep when I knew I could not survive going further in. My mother just kept right on going further in. If she had fallen there was no way I could have helped her as she had the keys to the care and we safely locked our purses with our phones in them locked in the trunk of her car. I did pick about 30 cherries They were excellent and my mother picked 5 pounds. Picking fresh fruit was one of the things I liked to do here but due to health issues can no longer do that.
I try to drive out to my mother's place once a week to visit, admire her beautiful gardens and have lunch with her. The last time I went was a Friday. My daughter's day off. Fake Jake had been working on their car all week to replace the power steering without success with many tantrums so my daughter was going to help him. That did not work either and they ended up towing their car to a real mechanic which cost almost $200.00. When I got home my daughter tells me that it was funny that Fake Jake tripped over his own feet and his "elbow" went through my wall in the livingroom which I noticed It is too big to miss. Again now my daughter is lying to me cuz of him. I think they really do think that along with my body my mind doesn't work well either anymore and I have become stupid. The hole is too far in and far up from the corner to have been an elbow plus his elbow would have exhibited bruising and hurt from the looks of how deep the hole is. I can guess what happened: He must have had one of his temper tantrums over not being able to fix his own car and it was his fist that went through the wall. He really should quit working on vehicles cuz he never manages to finish any of the repairs my guess is cuz he does not know what he is doing so makes everything worse and more expensive. Anyway the hole is still there even though they said they would fix it and now I feel like I am living in pure poverty.
At this same visit with my mother when I was ready to leave the truck would not start. That was not good cuz really I had had enough of my mother for the day. She got on her 4 wheeler side saddle and sped up to the neighbor she lusts after for his help. He is a nice guy. He is old enough to be my mother's grandson. Too bad my daughter did not meet him before she did Fake Jake as everyone in the family would like him. He is a self proclaimed redneck who likes to fish, hunt and practices shooting his rifles and guns. He farms 10 of his acres just like my mother's but her 10 acres are rented out to another farmer. He also has a high paying job as he operates those big machines with the big ball used to destroy buildings. Anyway he gave me one of his batteries to use until I could replace it. The truck's battery was old but one of the cables was loose too. As I was leaving I heard my mother propose to him and adding she would let him do whatever he wanted. Well that is just so YUCK on so many levels.
Her behavior around him triggered a memory when I was 17. She allowed me to throw a small get together with my friends. I cleared the dinning room so we could dance if we wanted to. My mother apparently enjoyed my party a little more than I did. My boyfriend brought his roommates with him. There was my mother dancing with one of them and kissing him. What good mother does that? Not only that but three weeks later my mother and my dad after not seeing each other for 14 years in one night decided they still loved each other and my mother and I were going to move back to Colorado from Arizona when I was all set to go to California for college and too late to apply in Colorado. Plus my Dad was still drinking a lot at that time. That year of my life was one of my worst that I do not want to remember in detail. Yet after all these years she still lusts after inappropriate men. My dad totally wasted on alcohol was far better than all the other men she had been with and the evil step father. My mother makes me sick sometimes.
I was switched from Medicaid to Medicare this month BUT I still have Medicaid. The whole thing is confusing. My fibromyalgia med cost nearly $500.00 without insurance. On Medicaid I got it for $4.00 a month and now on medicare it costs nothing. Yet my doctor ordered me Flonase for my allergies yesterday and on medicare it costs $45.00. Also with my health issues I cannot not have part b of medicare and now they have taken 104.00 from my disability payments. However now I find out that I qualify to have Medicaid to pay my medicare premium every month but it may take a month or two before it happens and it will be retroactive which would be a blessing to me. It is just has been confusing therefore stressful. That is our Federal Government spending our tax dollars. I worked a lot of years giving those tax dollars so....
My daughter and Fake Jake are getting married on August 21st. They are going to the courthouse sign their names as married. No witnesses no one else. I am guessing that is cuz if I go my mother goes and they don't want her there or I should say Fake Jake does not want her there. Much sadness I feel over this decision of theirs on many levels.
Yet there is more. They have also decided to take a honeymoon at the end of September. Oh wow this decision of theirs is one of their best. It is going to cost around $1000.00 so they have set up a savings account and are putting $200.00 out of my daughter's paycheck every other Monday. This of course is so logical because they are not receiving any food assistance now that my daughter works full time but Fake Jake does not have a job and what if a miracle happens and someone stupid enough to hire him does before going on this 4 day honeymoon. What is he going to say: "Oh okay but I am going on my honeymoon before I work for you 90 days" Yeah sure that is the right thing to say.
It even gets better. Sunday night my daughter informs me that as soon as she gets paid (yesterday) Fake Jake was going grocery shopping cuz we were out of food. We made a list and she informs me that they are going to only spend $100.00 and when I get paid this coming Friday I can some more groceries and other household items. When I got paid this month knowing they would either not get any food assistance or very little I went shopping for the groceries I like but they don't stupid me thinking that would help them out. My original agreement with them was they would pay for groceries and some household items while I would pay my mortgage, all the utilities and the internet service cuz even if they were not here I would be paying those anyway. This was before my daughter was hired full time. I in my ignorance I thought even if Fake Jake never worked things would improve some and we could have some money left over to do a few improvement things like my diver license expires next month so I am not sure I will pass the eye exam without getting glasses so need money to see the eye doctor. Anyway my daughter informed me that shopping for things I like won't work for the next few months and I should give some money to Fake Jake to go meat shopping. My daughter does not eat much meat and I eat just little more than she does so this demand is good for only Fake Jake.
Okay so yesterday that is what he did he spent only $100.00 so there was still a lot left on the list to get which apparently I am responsible to pay for plus he only got one thing I like to eat which is yogurt. When my daughter got home from work she told me that Fake Jake and her were going to the movies cuz they have not had a date night in a long time (two weeks ago she went to the dentist in a town bigger than ours 50 miles away and they ate dinner out there). I told her that I haven't had a date night in eight years and walked away.
I did not raise my daughter to behave so selfishly and I am so pissed off yet my heart is breaking.
The biggest blow has to do with the father of my children my ex-husband. Last year he asked me to cancel the case of arrears child support because they were getting ready to throw him in jail again for not paying. He was still recovering from knee replacement surgery and had a law suit going with workmans comp cuz he fell on company time. I was told by the agency I could close it with the option of reopening it later according to my case worker here. It would not have helped me any to have him sit in jail. He was paying for my phone and sending my daughter a little money for her college stuff so I thought marriage to someone 31 years younger than him had changed him for the better. So I agreed. His settelment with Workmans Comp came in this last April close to a $100,000.00. He sent me $1500.00. That was over a year ago and not a dime since. He still owes me over $18,000.00 and that is after I deducted what it cost him on my phone. Well he and his baby wife spent it all within 6 months. He has since received disability but still is not sending me anything on the arrears he owes me. So I tried to reopen the case. I was told I could not reopen the case cuz my children are grown now and what he owes me in arrears is basically my problem. I can take him to court. With what money?
My anger is triggering my past anger and is scary to me. Yep I think I have been adequately shown how what I thought were my assets are in fact my liabilities.
If you read all this then you are an angel and bless you.