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Crap follows crap

Posted by bellachai , 19 April 2013 · 190 views

Perhaps I am an experiment of how much adversity and how long I can endure before I break forever.

My ex, the father of my children still owes me over $20,000. in arrears child support and for the most part he has been pretty good about sending money every other week. A couple months ago he decided to reduce his payments per month by $60.00. I say some money is better than no money. Anyway he forgot to send money this last Monday. It came today. I went four days without my antidepressant and two days without my pain meds for fibromyalgia.

It snowed on and off all day Wednesday. Since then the temps have dropped to low 20's. I still do not have heat or hot water. I am so tired of being cold and yesterday I could not stay warm and my body protested in a big way; pain, pain and more pain.

Two nights terrible nightmares of people trying to kill me, one which wanted to take a bite out of my shoulder. Very disturbing. I kept waking up from pain, even the hair on legs hurt and burned. Maybe that's a sign I need to shave my legs. Off and on yesterday I just curled up in my bed with as many blankets as I could.

I came out to the livingroom around 1pm and my daughter and boyfriend were gone. No note or text message so I thought they were out running errands. The boyfriend came in the house around 2pm alone went to their room and came back one of her bras. I asked him where my daughter was. Well, oh she in the hospital. She was in so much pain doubled over pain so he took her to the ER. He did not ask if I would like to go be with her. He was on his way back up there. They returned around 5pm. I waited for a call or text. They did some tests and found that she has an ovarian cyst. They gave her Percocet for pain.

I don't know when exactly I became so sensitive. I was angry and hurt that they did not tell me they were going to the ER and just left me in dark about it. I guess what matters here is that my daughter is not in so much pain and I got my meds.

I am still damn cold and they are in her room keeping each other warm and also have a floor heater while I try to stay warm with blankets and a heating blanket. Spring and warmer weather are coming soon right?

I do not trust or have confidence in my emotions anymore. I question every emotion I feel like is the emotion valid or is it petty stupid misplaced etc.... I think I prefer to be numb instead. It hurts too much.

When and if I get approved for SS disability I will get arrears from when I first applied and if and when I get that I think I will give my daughter and her boyfriend money to move out on their own. In my case misery does not like company. I have my cats to love me and cheer me up and of course all you wonderful people. Maybe that is enough.

Blessings to all

:hug: :hug: :hug: if ok, and :blanket: :blanket: :blanket: and :cuppa: :cuppa: :cuppa: to keep you warm
grr. why do they get the heater and not you? especially when the cold makes your pain so much worse?

wish i could do more....than just send ((((((warm hugs)))))).

love you bella. hang on...the sun will come out....the pain will ease.

we and your cats are not going anywhere. but i hope your housemates do....soon.

:blanket: :blanket: :blanket: :blanket: :blanket:

:cuppa: :cuppa: :cuppa:
Apr 21 2013 12:19 AM
I wish I could send you some of the warmth from my part of the world. I hope you are something more than an experiment in adversity-- I know you are, in fact, but I just hope your life gives you something to prove it to you as well sometime soon. You are not being oversensitive for being bothered that your daughter and her boyfriend did not tell you she was going to the hospital. I would be bothered too, and I think especially because of the way he did eventually tell (casually and only because you asked) there is a real lack of courtesy there.

:hug:/> :hug:/> :hug:/> if ok, and :blanket:/> :blanket:/> :blanket:/> and :cuppa:/> :cuppa:/> :cuppa:/> to keep you warm

Thank you ravel. Your hugs are always welcome and appreciated. It is finally not so cold and I hope we do not have anymore freezes so spring can continue to bloom in a warm rainbow of colors. :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Sitting here with you. :hug:/> :hug:/> (if okay) :blanket:/> :metoyou:/> :cuppa:/>

Thank you StephEas for caring and sitting with me. Your hugs are welcome here. :hug:
((((love you)))) so glad you had a nice warm day...hoping things start improving.... yeah i do know the rock/hard place shit.


ps. agree with maybej, about them not telling you she had gone to the hospital until you asked. wish you were treated the way you deserve to be!!!

((((love you)))) so glad you had a nice warm day...hoping things start improving.... yeah i do know the rock/hard place shit. :metoyou:/> ps. agree with maybej, about them not telling you she had gone to the hospital until you asked. wish you were treated the way you deserve to be!!!

Thank you sometimes I just don't know if others are behaving appropriately. So unsure about things right now. But I am still standing.
Love you :heart: :hug: :hug: :hug:

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