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Alone at last

Posted by bellachai , 26 January 2013 · 136 views

My daughter and her boyfriend spend most of their time in their room since they moved their TV and Xbox out of my livingroom. I no longer have to watch the boyfriend play such violent games with tempertantrum thrown in from time to time.

Occationally my duaghter is generous with letting me use her computer like now since mine blew up. It does not give me the time I would like to be here at Pandys.

My mother talks with me only when I call. She does not call me.

Noone in my real life asks me how I am anymore. You become permanently ill and people get weary of it so they just drift away and stop asking. May they never have to experience chronic pain everyday or get short of breath from doing the smallest of things.

Yesterday my daughter came out and I could tell she was crying a little. I asked her what was wrong. She replied nothing. I then asked her why when it is obvious to me that something is wrong with her she only says nothing. Her answer was there isn't anything she can do about it so there is no reason to talk about it.

How do I remind her that I raised her that just someone listening helps. She as forgotten so much I tried to teach her. It is as if my fallening apart physiclly, spiritually and mentally negates how I raised her.

Yep I am finally alone at last and it is the emptiest place that leaves large bleeding holes in my heart.


You are not alone here. Many care and I am at the top of the list. Please know that my PM box is open for you anytime you need to talk.

Offering my hand to hold and very safe hugs. xo

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Jan 26 2013 11:52 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I'm sorry you are feeling so low... I wouldn't take your daughter's refusal to talk so personally. I don't think anything about how you raised her is "negated," I just think people can be stubborn sometimes and sometimes just do not want to talk.
i get the part about nobody asking how you are anymore. understand.

you are not alone (but i know the loneliness and i'm sorry). putting band-aids on all the holes.

love you always (((my friend))). :blanket: :metoyou: :cuppa:
I don't know if I would be any help,
but I am a daughter, and I can tell you about my relationship with my mother.
I used to shut her off entirely, mostly due to the fact that I was very angry at her for leaving me alone for so long (which led to me belonging to this community today)
I grew up alone, so I learned to deal with things alone,
it's not that I WANTED to be alone, it's just that I didn't know who it was safe to trust*
so I told myself that being alone was what I wanted. And I believed it.
But it was far from the truth.

It helped when she started acting like a mother again. When she held me in her arms, and not only told me that she was there for me no matter what, but actually followed through with her actions.
It helped when she stopped judging the things I shared with her. And when she started respecting my boundaries by not asking more than I wanted to share. A simple "I understand" can help. (Preaching, not so much.) Basic communication, acts of kindness, etc. All of this following an detailed explanation of why she was unable to help me before (she had been through DV as well and suffers from PTSD to this day, so you could say we are healing together), and the most honest and sincere apology I have seen/heard in my life.

That is how I was able to forgive my mother and open up to her again.

Once again, this is only my experience. Take what you feel necessary, if anything, and leave the rest.

Regardless, know that we are here for you. You are not alone. Safe hugs if ok :blanket: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
i miss your blog!!!

but then i haven't blogged much lately either.



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