Alone at last
Occationally my duaghter is generous with letting me use her computer like now since mine blew up. It does not give me the time I would like to be here at Pandys.
My mother talks with me only when I call. She does not call me.
Noone in my real life asks me how I am anymore. You become permanently ill and people get weary of it so they just drift away and stop asking. May they never have to experience chronic pain everyday or get short of breath from doing the smallest of things.
Yesterday my daughter came out and I could tell she was crying a little. I asked her what was wrong. She replied nothing. I then asked her why when it is obvious to me that something is wrong with her she only says nothing. Her answer was there isn't anything she can do about it so there is no reason to talk about it.
How do I remind her that I raised her that just someone listening helps. She as forgotten so much I tried to teach her. It is as if my fallening apart physiclly, spiritually and mentally negates how I raised her.
Yep I am finally alone at last and it is the emptiest place that leaves large bleeding holes in my heart.