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just a ghost now

Posted by bellachai , 17 December 2012 · 98 views

I am a ghost of the person I use to be.

Anything I say or do is of no interest to anyone in real life.

When I speak my mother says "hmmmmm".

When I speak to my daughter she says "I know mom"

All the friends I once had are gone now. They all were as active, intelligent and fun as I once was. I cannot be those things anymore since my health deterated and my breakdown so they just left.

Besides I don't make a good friend now. I cannot commit since a time and date in the future may be a day when my physical pain and/or depression is to high to go on that specified day and time.

I am still hassling with the Mental Health Center for my recieving more therapy since I had an appointment last week to redo my service plan and waited in the lobby for 45 minutes prior to walking out deciding I need a break from there.

My computer is broken so I cannot even hide in cyberspace and be here at Pandy's for support and friendship all that I want or need. I am grateful for all of you here.

Yeah I have no worth to anyone in my real life. They look through me and do not want to hear me.

I am just a ghost now. :bawling:

Your worth here is priceless. I am so sorry you are feeling like a ghost. I will listen to you and HEAR what you say. Please know you are not alone here. Many many people love and support you.

Safe and gentle hugs for you...
Dec 17 2012 03:41 PM
lionlover is right, bellachai. Your worth here IS priceless. There is a huge hole here with you not being here as much as you once were.

I know exactly how you feel, in many ways, my friend.

As far as family goes, I think that at some point, when you are not getting what you want and need from those who are related by blood, it is perfectly fine to find any others who can be true family to you. That isn't easy, I know, and for me, most of those who I consider to be true family are those I have met here or elsewhere on the internet. I don't hang with, or run with, the crowd I did before I was triggered and ended up in therapy.

You are not alone here, and many many people here love and support you. And I know that I cherish any time that you are here and that I can spend with you, even if it is in cyberspace.

Please be gentle with your self. And if those in your real life are looking right through you, maybe it is time to look through them, because you deserve better, and to give them your precious time and self without them giving back, that isn't how it should be for you.

Blessings, and lots of love and hugs. :hug: :hug:
you are a wonderful friend to me bella.

i miss your blog...


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