What did I say?

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What did I say?

06 November 2012

Posted by bellachai

I have been quiet on here and in real life. If my daughter tells me one more time "mom, you told me that already" or "mom I told you that before" I think I would lose it and pull out all of my hair :gaah:/>

I DO remember my daughter telling me the other day that I am the most un-self absorbed person in the world. At first I felt that to be a great compliment. After thinking about that a moment and realized that what I think are my strengths my family views it as weaknesses.

My entire life I have lived by the philosophys to treat everyone as I would want to be treated. Also not to lower myself to the level of those who are cruel, judgemental and hurtful.

My mother says I am too nice. My daughter says I share and play well with others. I think what they really are say is that I am weak and a pushover and let others walk all over me.

So right becomes left, wrong becomes right, up is down. North is south. Love flows into hate. Joy spins to sorrow. Gratitude becomes greedy. Sad becomes happy. It is all mixed up.

I have stopped talking cuz I do not want to be reminded that my memory is suffering from my physical ailments and the meds I take for them.

I want to blog here with all that I have going on in my head but most of the time when I get here to type my brain goes blank and the words won't come.

Blessings to all

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3 Comments On This Entry

my friend, i can relate to the neurological effects of physical illness and meds. i feel like i'm at about 25% of my pre-illness intelligence level. i hate it. i know those reminders and digs hurt. we don't need to be reminded of something which stings so much....how could we forget...

struck me as kind of...don't even know the word (and i'm sure you can relate to that)...ironic or bittersweet or sad or something....that your daughter is implying you let others walk all over you....when she and her boyfriend have been guilty of that before. that applies to your mother too. they don't seem to mind exploiting your niceness when it suits them.

i think your selflessness is a beautiful quality - you have a huge heart and put everyone else first. you are pure of heart, despite the nasty people you've been impacted by. i do know that there comes a time, especially for us who are healing, when we need to think of ourselves too though. the boundaries and assertiveness stuff you've been working so hard on the past year or two. there needs to be a balance i guess. but all the nicer people are on the selfless side of the spectrum. however they meant it, i would still take it as a compliment.

with you as you adjust to the memory loss and everything else that is changing. i know things are rough at the moment and i'm always here to listen.

((((bella))))

pink, 07 November 2012 - 08:18 PM

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I hear you.... And I think you are right to be true to yourself, and behave with kindness and decency. You can talk all you like, here. I hope the fogginess clears and you feel a little better soon.

MaybeJoleisa, 07 November 2012 - 11:22 PM