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Barter with the martyr

Posted by bellachai , 11 October 2012 · 49 views

I called my mother last night to see how she is and a chat. I am back to where it is me that has to call.

She told me that her furnace is not working. I asked if she has called anyone to look at it. Well no she hasn't cuz she does not have the money (a big lie and as if I am stupid). She has to wait for either her social security or rental money she is expecting next week. I asked her if her water heater is propane too like her furnace. No she has hot water.

This made me angry cuz it was a dig at what a burden I am. So I told her that I up until this month been out of hot water and heat since march cuz I could not pay the bill. Her first question was how did I bathe. I heated water on my electric stove to take to my bathroom and I had my health care people wash my hair with water heated on my electric stove. Then she asked me how come she did not know about this. Because I did not tell her cuz I am already enough of a burden to her. Silence.......

I will get a $150.00 in child support this coming Saturday. Earlier this week I told my daughter I would like to get a few art supplies which would cost around $10.00. When she got home yesterday from a training class she started to budget out my money without remembering what I asked for but had no problem budgeting in a video game or two for her and her boyfriend.

I don't want to barter and I don't want to become a martyr.

I don't want to lower myself to other's levels.

But maybe I am already a martyr and lowered to obscurity.

This week I feel invalidated and invisable and mute.

Blessings to all



Those are very horrible feelings to have to cope with. Not sure that 'video games' fall under the support clause but you should have your art supplies, sometimes it's those little things that keep us going and sane. One video game is plenty, not sure how old your daughter and her boyfriend are, but shouldn't they be buying their own video games? You need to be a little more selfish when it comes to your own needs, that's not called being a martyr, btw.

Posted Image jo x
my mother's been playing up the martyr thing this week too. kinda amazing she's never been without hot water before? :blink:

i understand feeling like a burden. and the words at the end too.

you deserve your art supplies. and some chocolate..... and to be seen, heard and respected.

maybe remind her you are capable of budgeting your money yourself. you don't need help with that...

sorry this week has sucked so much. (((lovehugs)))

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