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And then there is my mother........

Posted by bellachai , 28 September 2012 · 79 views

I still have not processed my mother's behavior while I was in the ICU. Ten days of odd behavior for her. I think I need help with this with thoughts/ideas/insights or whatever....

She came to the hospital to see me about every other day or so and called me most evenings without making comments of how broke she is (she has plenty of money she just is so paranoid) and the high prices of gas. She even gave my daughter money for gas so she could be with me every day.

The thrid day in ICU; my worst day as one lung was not working and the other was filled with fluid. I was exhausted from having to get out of bed from lasix (water pill). I refused a foley catheter cuz it is a trigger to CSA. Anyway mother actually stroked my arm and started to cry (shocking for her normal cold austere facade) stating that she was not ready to lose me so soon after losing dad and my daughter would not do well if I were to die now. Yes she stated it just like that.

My dad was a recovering alcoholic and had not a drink for over 30 years so there never was alcohol in my parents home. BUT after my dad died this last Halloween my mother has taken to having a drink in the evenings on her patio before fixing her dinner. That same night she called me telling me she had been sitting on her patio and she became so angry and cried at how unfair life has been taking so much from her and I should be able to at the very least some sort of quality of life before I die from my physical conditions.

My mother is 76 and looks like she is in her 60's. However her back is deteriorating so she gets cortisone shots in her lower spine to help with pain. She has trouble sleeping the night of getting her shot. She has strange reactions to alot of pain meds so she tries not to use them. She got her shot on the 5th day of my stay in ICU. She stopped by her normal composed self but when she called me that evening I could tell something was not right as she was cheerfully chatting away (almost two hours) about this and that. My mother is not chatty.

She was telling me that I am the only one she really talks to. She does not like people and does not make friends easily. :dohdoh: Ya think mom? She says she says the wrong thing for some reason and it puts people off. My sister once told her she was intimidating. She has been told she is stubborn (a genetic thing I am sure). She does not see that in herself she said. She asked me how she is intimidating. I told her that it was obvious by the tone of her voice and body language when she was upset or disapproving. She just finds people so ignorant and not worth her time. I told her that she is very regimented meaning she has routines and is ultra organized in all things and expects others to be the same. That is not to say her being that way is good or bad, right or wrong. It is just how she is and others cannot be like that and that does not make them good or bad, right or wrong. Letting other's experience their own experiences is a way to let go of her expectations.

Then she moved on to my sister telling me about her daily drinking and how all her sons do not go to see her at her house cuz first she is usually drunk and two her house is so filthy. I have not visited my sister at her home in over 20 years for the same reason but apparently it is worse now than it was back then. Mother told me that it reeks and piles of dog and cat poop are just left on the carpeting.

That is so wierd to me cuz as we were growing up my sister was fanatically clean. No was allowed in her perfectly groomed room and she would know if someone had been in her room even if they just walked in and out. I told my mother now she has two daughters slobby. She actually gave me a compliment. She said that before I became ill I kept a very nice home and it is better than it was and I do not have animal feces just laying around. I still take good care of my pets. She said my home is nothing close to my sisters.

Then out of the blue in mid conversation of something else she asks me if my exhusband the father of my children was a good lover. And in what ways did I find him attractive. I was so shocked by that I could not answer so she giggles and says she was just wondering cuz my dad was the best lover she has ever had. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!! She must have had a drink with some pain meds. I told I was tired so would speak to her tomorrow.

Now I don't think she remembers anything about that phone call but I sure as hell am not going to bring it up.

My daughter's boyfriend is still working. A good thing.

Someone knows what they are doing. My hemotologist's nurse stayed late Wednesday to do some digging. It bothered her all day that an INR was not in their recotds when I told her that is why I went to the lab in first place. She found that they really did do an INR and sent the results to my primary doctor and it was 1.8 which is in the danger zone for me yet no one at my primary doctors office called me or my hemotologist. It is kind of a critical thing. This nurse called me after everyone went home so based on what has happened and the dosage I had been on prior to being taken off we decided on a slightly higher dose Wednesday and yesterday since I go into the cumadin clinic in less than hour. Better to be a little on the thin side rather than in clotting side. So I could not eat any of my mother's broccoli or green beans the last two day.

I went to bed yesterday at 4pm and slept till 3am. Felt better so took a shower and washed my hair and maintained good oxygen sats. The things we take for granted. I hot shower and clean hair. It felt so good and I would have stayed in there longer but did not want to overdue it.

Taking a nap when I get back from the cumadin clinic

Blessings to all

Weird while I was reading this, you replied to my status, thinking of what to say since I know your intention was not to be funny. But that catchphrase....'and then there is my mother' drew me in. I got a few shits and giggles from the 'ewwwww' since I can relate to that one. And those simple things like a shower and clean hair really can be uplifting. I hope you got to take a nap and it rejuvenated you, feel better. Enjoy your chocolate today! Posted Image

ly jo x
Thank goodness, we wouldn't want your mother ranting on about how unfair life has been to her again! Posted Image
Sep 28 2012 07:13 PM
My goodness bellachai you have been through the wringer. I am so sorry for all of it, I cannot imagine how exhausted you must be. Your mother seemed at first quite open and showing some real feeling and concern for you. But her asking about your ex as a lover was crossing a line, and telling you about your dad was too. Those are not conversations one has with their daughter!

I hope you are starting to recover from your ordeal the past couple of weeks.
Thank you (((untangling))). I do feel better today. Still weak some and tire easily but I now feel like I will at least get back to where I was prior to the hospital thing.

Yea my mother is freaking me out lately. Last night she was a cheerful chatter again about nothing in particular. IDK just bizarre. LOL

Take good care of you. Blessings as always

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