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Many of the people I come in contact with lately have been saying I am looking better. I do not feel better. I had an appointment last Wednesday with the psychiatric PA. I tried to tell her that although I am receiving medical care consistantly for awhile now that I do not feel better emotionally nor physically. She stated that once I get my CPAP for my apnea (I get it this Friday) I will not be so depressed and will feel very well. That would be great if it became true but hey she did not hear me.
When I got home wondering why I went to that appointment if I do not get heard. Just because people want me to be better does not mean I am or will be. Not that I want to be ill in any way either. Reality versus illution. If I said I was cured and all is well perhaps I would not be heard then either. So I am just a ghost to others.
My daughter asked me what was wrong so I told her. She said that well perhaps getting better has come on so slowly that I do not notice the improvement and others do. Then she hugged me. Okay I am considering this as a truth but not convinced.
I hate the condition I am in. There is no going back to the way I was and I kind of resent that. I am just damaged goods.
Blessings to all
When I got home wondering why I went to that appointment if I do not get heard. Just because people want me to be better does not mean I am or will be. Not that I want to be ill in any way either. Reality versus illution. If I said I was cured and all is well perhaps I would not be heard then either. So I am just a ghost to others.
My daughter asked me what was wrong so I told her. She said that well perhaps getting better has come on so slowly that I do not notice the improvement and others do. Then she hugged me. Okay I am considering this as a truth but not convinced.
I hate the condition I am in. There is no going back to the way I was and I kind of resent that. I am just damaged goods.
Blessings to all
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1 Comments On This Entry
I hope you feel better one day too. If not completely better, better than you do now, in a way that you can perceive for yourself. Your daughter could be right, but I also know the feeling of invisibility and being a ghost that you talk about.
MaybeJoleisa,
05 September 2012 - 08:46 PM
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