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Here's to thier good time :toomuch:/>
I have to say that having them here again is triggering to me of swallowing a bottle of benadryl last year just before they got kicked out of my home like the next day. I am terrified they will never leave this time. Although in all fairness I have to admit that they are somewhat better now in helping me with things around the house and picking up after theirselves.
But my help and sharing what little I do have seems to be expected and I feel uncomfortable about it. I liked living alone. I was getting to a place where surviving and existing was not quite so painful or stressful. I managed to have what I need. Once again I do not have all I need. The small pleasures I had while living alone are once again out of reach as it is needed to help my daughter and boyfriend.
Saying the above then fills me with shame; feeling selfish and used. Living alone has sent me to a place now where I am not playing well with others anymore. I am also bewildered by many things that are different about my daughter.
I know that my experience with relationships is not a model to base any comparrisons on yet when I observe my daughter and her boyfriend their relationship disturbs me in many ways. The way they speak to each other at times seems to be emotionally and verbally abusive.
My daughter displays behaviors that I do not care for at all and I have never felt this way about her before. I am confused by it all. I feel guilty for even thinking this about my own child. It is something new within me. I don't even know if this makes sense.
I did not have the money for the meds I was prescribed on Wednesday for my pnuemonia but will have some money tomorrow to get them. Fake Jake sold some of my CD's without asking me so they could go to the festival today. My daughter was not too happy about going either. I did not protest cuz the thought of them not being here for an evening was like seeing an opening into heaven. I think their priorities are whacked. IDK
I should not be complaining at all cuz Home Health care came today so the house is clean, the pets are happy out here in the livingroom instead of hiding from Fake Jake and I am listening to music and have my computer to myself. Maybe tomorrow I will have some ice cream. Yeah that would be good.
Blessings to all