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A New day and more pain

Posted by bellachai , 15 June 2012 · 57 views

I had an appointment this morning with a pulmonary doctor. I really like her. She spent an hour and half with me. Wow!! I gave her detailed history information. She told that I definetly have COPD which of course I already knew. I did not know that I also have asthma. I guess when you have hayfever/allergy issues most of your life that it eventually causes asthma. I difinetly will have to wear a CPAP at night for apnea. In order to get started with that I will need to have an overnight sleep lab study done.

So moving forward with my physical health issues. One more hurdle and that is with the hemotologist/oncologist regarding my blood thinners. I see him next Tuesday.

The Home Health people called today to let me know that they did not have anyone to send me for my scheduled time. The person that was here on Tuesday was going to go home but she went home sick. So I am grateful a sick person did not come here. Today would be the day they do my grocery shopping. I have little food in the house so that is kind of a bummer cuz I will have to go in the morning.

My exhusband called me this afternoon letting me know my daughter called him. He asked if she was alright and she answered she and Jake were fine. He asked her where she was living and she stated she was not telling anyone where they are staying. He told her that I was very upset and worried about her and was she going to call me. She stated no cuz she hates me. He told her that unless she objected he would call to let me know she was alright. She did not object. He would have called me either way.

I am devestated. I was the last one of her family and friends here that who tolerated Jake and would be around him. He lived here rent free for three years. I fed him. Every job he had here in that time never lasted longer than three weeks. She calls a father who ignored and neglected her the entire time I raised her without child support from him. I have been behind all the way through all her illnesses and all of her breakups with Jake. I defended her choice to be with him to other family members. AND SHE HATES ME????

I am not emotionally stable today. Right now I am really feeling good about setting a boundry and sticking to it.

Blessings to all



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stealing_wonderland
Jun 15 2012 08:46 PM
Bella, she doesn't hate you. She is angry, confused and up-set and is taking it out on you. She knows she has messed up, but it's easier to blame the person you are closest to, and the one you are sure will be there once the anger subsides than those whom you don't have a trusting relation-ship with....

I'm so sorry she is putting you through so much pain though. You don't deserve that. She is acting spoiled be-cause you were good to them when Jake was around for so many years and she doesn't under-stand this new boundary you have set, but she will eventually. Don't give up on her and don't take any-thing she says out of hurt and anger seriously be-cause it doesn't come from a place of hate....

Take good care of your-self. I hope she will come around soon and realise just what a wonderful mum you are and have been to her.
i'm sorry you're in so much pain. i was looking for the right words and sw said what i wanted to say - about how we lash out at those closest to us, who are safe and who we trust to still be there. i know that's true for me. she needs someone to blame, and because you put a boundary in place she's picked you as the target.

i hope she stops using such cruel words.

yeah, i know how much strength that must take...to have set and stuck by a boundary which was necessary for your own wellbeing (as well as hers). i'm really proud of you.

hang in there my friend. ((((love and hugs))))

also i'm glad you're getting good health care! i'm sure that took a lot of effort to get there, but it's important these specialists take care of you. maybe the cpap at night will give you more energy in the day?
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MaybeJoleisa
Jun 15 2012 11:02 PM
Thinking of you.... I don't think she hates you either, I think she is acting like a younger person than she is and using words the way teenagers often do against their parents.
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cordeliaVorkosigan
Jun 16 2012 12:23 PM
I'm happy you found a doctor that takes the time to get to know you and your health record. Posted Image I know people who use those machines to sleep. Lack of sleep makes everything worse. I hope you are able to get what you need in a timely manner. I think of you often, even when I don't get on here for days at a time. Blessings.
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I don't think she hates you. I actually think the opposite. Sometimes we are more comfortable spewing our hate at the more stable and loving parent. She knows you are still there and will continue to be. She does not know this about her father. I am sorry you are in so much pain

I don't think she hates you. I actually think the opposite. Sometimes we are more comfortable spewing our hate at the more stable and loving parent. She knows you are still there and will continue to be. She does not know this about her father. I am sorry you are in so much pain



Bellachai I agree with Chelirach. IF she really hated you she would have told her dad to not tell you she called. She is hurting so bad and doesn't know how to say "Mommy I need you, please hold me".

I'm so sorry for all the pain and suffering you and your entire family are going through.

Hang in there,you are loved.

Many blessings to to you with TLC.

June 2016

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