How Many ways can a heart break?
Apparently my daughter called her Grandparents up in California asking for help to go there. Meaning help her and Jake out. They referred her to call me or her dad. They immediately called my exhusband to see what he knew which was nothing. My exhusband who pays for our daughters phone called her. She told him she just could not talk to anyone and it and life did not matter anymore. She was refusing to talk with any of her own family even me.
My mother informed me yesterday that the only way she could tell that I failed as a mother was that I spoiled her but what is going with her now is not my fault.
So not too many of my daughter's family slept well last night cuz as far as we know she and jake had no place to stay last night.
My daughter texted me awhile ago and I will just type it here.
HER: Hi mom
ME: Are you okay
HER: Define ok
ME: Well idk I am not sure what is going on with you
HER: Didn't Jake tell you?
ME: You tell me
HER: No i dont think I will. It doesnt matterand nothing has changed and no one will or can help so what difference does it make?....none.
ME: Okay your entire family loves you whether you believe it or not those who are able to help you are not going to include jake in helping you cuz you are in this mess mostly because his being irresponsible and his lying problems. This is your home and your are welcome not jake cuz he needs to man up I love you and i am crying cuz i am worried and scared for you
HER: Whatever....fuck my whole "family" id rather die on the street with Jake than with any of u people....dont ever call or text me again...as of now my only family jake...if i could kill myself and succeed this time i would thanks so much for everything.
ME: I am sorry you feel this way. I love you so very much.
While I was typing this another text message came in this time from jakes phone.
Jake: Wow really right now I am trying to just get her up there and just screwed it all up and family should shut the hell up intell (sic) they know whats going on
I am suppose to be in DBT right now. I cannot possibly be present for that so have not gone. Can't stop crying. I forwarded all these text messages to her father and we have spoken several times today so far. Through him our daughter has been told via text that if she so chooses a prepaid plane ticket would be available to only her to fly to her Grandparents in California or a bus ticket to me.
Being her mother how can I not think I had a hand in all this? Yes I feel guilty. I feel grief and profound saddness. I want to feel nothing. I want to be numb for awhile. I want my daugher back before she met Jake. He has corrupted her thinking. She now not only speaks they way he does she is acting like he does.
How do I 'let go' of this and her?
Blessings to all